I LOST MY ELECTION LIMERICK

I lost my election to be mayor of the vill,

If I hadn't voted my vote total would be nill,

Now, I've known my family all my life,

But, they back-stabbed me like my wife, 

I think they voted for my opponent for the thrill.

THE SPOOKY UNIVERSE AND ME

I knew a physics professor a long time ago,

He stuck an idea in my head that has started to glow,

He said the universe acted all spooky,

So, I thought then, he was kooky,

But, at a distance I observed now, I know.

THE BAD BEES

I am the killer of many bad bees,

When they bite on the backside of my knobby knees,

They rip flesh by the inch,

So, I give them a pinch,

And, they bite harder as I give them a squeeze.

 

DONNY RUE

You would think that Donny would forever rue,

Everything that he did, done, do,

But, his universe is alt,

He gives others the fault,

So, to bring reality to Donny, you sue.

MY PLACE IN THE CHICKEN WORLD

I built my chickens a chicken koop,

It was a place to eat, a place to poop,

And, beneath their legs,

They'd lay those eggs,

My reward for the chicken life loop.

JANUARY TWO: SNOWMOBILE

It's January Two and the sun ain't yet shinning,

I fed some peanuts to the squirrels so, the squirrels are all dining,

Now, I'll race from shore to shore,

And, for my snowmobile encore,

I'll keep racing on the lake till, the ice sheet starts declining.

IT'S JANUARY AND I AM A BEAR LIMERICK

It is now January "09",
The full moon looks like blood wine,
I really don't care,
Because I am a bear,
I going to sleep and feeling just fine.

NEW YEARS EVE LIMERICK

On New Year's Eve we all love to go out,

We drink and eat with gusto and shout,

At midnight we chug the mug,

Give our loved one a hug,

And, make promises we won't keep, no doubt.

MAKE A BAD YEAR SHORTER

It was awful I couldn't wait for 2020 to end,

I hoped that out of mercy the time rulers would bend,

And make the year shorter,

Maybe by one half or a quarter,

But, all 365 days were drawn out to their end.

THE WHAT I DON'T KNOW LIMERICK

I don't know a pair of ducks from a paradox,

I can't tell a pair of dogs from a couple of fox,

But, one thing is clear,

If you spill one drop of my beer,

Then, I'll mess you up like I'm a bubonic pox.

MY DAD'S TALE

My dad was born with a prehensile tail,

He picked fruit trees for a living and put the fruit in a pail,

But, he was attacked by some bees,

Who pollinated the trees,

And boy did dad let out a big wail. 

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED PETE

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he'd eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

SALMON AND LEMONADE

Vonnie made some lemonade,

To go with Charlie's salmon,

And, Vonnie's lemonade made golden grade,

But, Charlie's salmon was not mammon,

The salmon flavor was just not plain strong,

It had a flavor that was just plain wrong,

And, the fish was covered with a white fuzzy,

Even the flies wouldn't give it a buzzy,

Now, although lemonade and salmon was the dinner proposal,

The main course ended up down the garbage disposal,

So, to go with the lemonade what was there to eat?

Well, a basket of tater tots became the main treat.

MAKE PEACE WITH THE FAT, DOC

Eat much smaller portions and the fat will melt away,

That is what my doctor said and it's what mommy use to  say,

But, I like to mega eat and social dine,

And, a full belly makes a sad world fine,

So, my doc should just make peace with that cause, the fat is here to stay.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS SO SERIOUS

On Facebook I was trolled and trolled all Christmas day,

So, I cancelled my account to Twitter parley,

On Twitter I got a restricted account,

I guess I was sassy to an excessive amount,

I then went to Parlor and was banned right away.

I AIN'T A GOOD GIRL OR GOOD BOY

It's the day after Christmas and I've broken all my toys,

I guess I ain't one of those good girls or good boys,

So, I took my gift called a sweater,

And, made it much better,

I made a bag I filled with Almond Joys.

THE CHRISTMAS BEAR

Over there I saw the Christmas Bear,
He roared and gave me quite a scare,
I petted his head,
He knocked me down dead,
Petting the Christmas bear was an error.

HOW CHRISTMAS CAROLS COME TO BE

When the sky is cold and gray,
And summer seems so far away,
Snowflakes twinkle, a light display,
Then the mind begins to play,

Imagining a childhood tune,
Back in days that passed too soon,
Mother hummed it on christmas day,
While she set the table with display,

Soon some others would chime in,
Adding words with a Christmas spin,
Aunts and uncles and other kin,
Let their hearts speak out from deep within,

The house broke out with joyous song
And all the people sang along,
My sister pounded the piano keys,
New versus arrived with incredible ease,

Finally, the singing had to cease,
As we sat down for our meal of peace,
The food was really grand to eat,
But, being with loved ones is hard to beat,

The mind remembers the joyous past,
Those are the moments we want to last,
Such inspiration came to me,
How Christmas carols come to be.

CHRISTMAS DAY LIMERICK

Everyone deserves a Merry Christmas Day,
Eat a big dinner and watch the kids play,
After dinner and more,
Sleep with a loud snore,
And dream of summer fun on the bay.

BENNY THE ELF

Benny the elf made toys for Saint Nick,
After Christmas he'd visit his cousin named Rick,
Rick lived in Atlanta,
A long ways from dear Santa,
In a week Benny was feeling homesick.