WINTER SETTLES IN

Winter months have settled in,

Subzero temps make my blue skin,

I know good folk would say I sin,

I warm myself with homemade gin,

The methanol gives me death's grin,

I now rest with the demons, mostly kin.

LEADFOOT PENNY GOT CAUGHT

Penny traveled down the road too fast,
And, became a part of the criminal caste,
So, she got a big fine,
But, Penny didn't whine,
For she violated many times in the past.

CANNED CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP WITH NO CHICKEN IN IT MAKE PEOPLE SICK?

There are many noodles in my chicken noodle soup,

But, I see not a piece of chicken in any soup scoop,

Yet, I hear soup gurgles in soup filled bellies,

Fellow soup eaters have tainted soup belly yellies,

I fear a cumming bathroom blitz with this troop.   

   

ODE TO MY WOODEN SHOES

When I'm hungry I can always chew,

On my left or right wooden shoe,

When things get really tense,

I have a club for defense,

My shoes get attention from more than a few.

GRANDPA PONG BONG

I went to the Care Home to bring Grandad his bong,👴

He insisted I stay and play a few games of Pong,📺

Gramps was a champ at that game,🏆

Got a trophy, methinks "lame,"🙄

You'd think he'd move on to Space Invaders or Kong.👽🐵

SPACE LASER 2021

QANON built a laser in space, 

They built it at a record pace,

They're space laser wasn't first,

But, it was the worst,

It's recoil smacked the moon in the face.

THE ICE SHANTY

An ice shanty sat out on the lake,
Where fishermen fish for perch and splake,
The winter winds stopped,
The ice shanty dropped,
Now it's a home for the fish to take.

I CHANGED MY BUSINESS PARTNERS

I decided to change out my business chums,
Because, I couldn't understand their sums,
But, how you choose,
Is why you loose,
I thank goodness for the charity of mums.

WHAT BECAME OF MY SAUSAGE LINKS

I made bean and pepper pork sausage links,

But, my brother-in-laws were both nasty finks,

They ate ten sausages apiece,

Then passed gas like two geese,

And, said that my sausage just stinks.

 

JIMMY LIKED TO EAT HIS PASTRY

Jimmy liked to eat his pastry,
Once he ate it way too hasty,
He got a belly ache,
And gaseous outtake,
The burps were not all that tasty.

MY CAR IS RUSTY OR PIXIE-DUSTY

My car is sprinkled all with rust,
But, the kids all call it pixie-dust,
Well, the engine is magic,
If magic is tragic,
And, getting somewhere not a must.

THE TEXTING WHILE DRIVING LIMERICK

Texting and driving I just overdo,
That's why I crashed into the  bear cage at the Big City Zoo,
Then, all the bears left their cage,
Went on an eating rampage,
Now, the victim's families are threatening to sue. 

POOR NICK THE NEEDY GOT PEACE FROM THE GREEDY

Nick needed a minimum wage increase,

But, a Senate vote made Nick's hope suddenly cease,

Nick wanted to eat,

And, get a room with some heat,

At least the cold winter wind brought him peace.

I'M THE BOTTOM TO TEACHER'S CURVE

I am proud that teach says I always pull the low score,

Well, he grades on a curve so I sacrifice for the more,

When teacher's trick questions unnerve,

I collapse downward his curve,

Of course, many years I have crossed teacher's door.

TWO PANCAKES RUE THIS DAY

Two pancakes walked into a bar,

They wanted to borrow a car,

They were tossed on a plate,

By a lumberjack mate,

Then, bathed with syrup from a fresh opened jar.

NO LILLIES, NO LILLIES, JUST SNOW

No lillies, no lillies, just snow,

It seems only the snow banks can grow,

Will it ever be spring,

Or, just this winter hell thing,

I'm yearning for a thick lawn to mow.

BEES MADE ME AN ANGEL ( IN HELL)

I think I have greatly come to hate,😡

That my stars foretell a miserable fate,😳

I'll be bitten until made dead from alive,💀

By a million bees from a hive,😧

Then, it's the big lava lamp behind Hell's gate.😈🌋

FEELING FORTUNATE

Fortunes are many but, my coins are few,
I made some investment but, they were pee-ew,
But, through financial decline,
I still can make and drink wine,
Then, I can few fortunate too.

TUCKER THE ANGEL SAT IN THE APPLE TREE LIMERICK

Tucker the angel sat in the  apple tree,
He made music playing his ukulele,
He bumped an apple that fell,
Eve saw free food and thought swell,
Eve shared with Adam the fruit but, it wasn't free.

MORAL:  THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES, NOTHING IS FREE

WHEN THE WINDY WIND BLEW MY CHECKERS AWAY

I grabbed my checkerboard to play checkers with my friends down by the bay,

Then, while playing a windy wind blew up and tossed my checkers all away,

So, what did I do,

When the windy wind blew,

I went home for I had no reason to stay.