THE JOHN VIEN TOOTHPICK LEGEND

Old John Vien cut the timber down,

On his eighty acres,

He floated the logs down the stream,

To find some timber takers,

John Vien hopped among the logs,

With a stick to clear logs that cram,

All went well until the water stopped,

At a beaver's big log jam,

Now, John Vien's timber float,

Was ending as the logs crammed tight,

But, John Vien had on his river boat,

A load of dynamite,

The dynamite blew up the dam real good,

But, the logs were now splinters in the air,

That's how John Vien started his toothpick business,

And became a millionaire.

MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN

A zombie came up to my door,
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.

My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.

I SMELL A LITTER BOX

I have the laziest cat in my dwelling,
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.

I HIBERNATE BUT I'D RATHER HEAD SOUTH

As Mr. Winter opened his mouth,
Many tweeters flew to the South,
But, when I felt the cold air,
I was a hibernating bear,
Still, I envy critters that are heading douth.

BRAIN PUDDING

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.

2017 ON THE NEGATIVE HAIKU

New Year's Day, Big Deal,

Horizon Bleak, Sunshine Rare,

Year Of The Bed Bug!