DAVID THE YOUNG MAN OF DREAD

David was a young man of dread,
He was always unhappy in his head,
He looked down and not up,
Like some sad little pup,
While blue skies hid dark clouds in their stead.

CELL PHONE HAIKU

Cell phone, static noise,
Sister's birthday, call dropped twice,
Communication?

I WONDER WHERE MY TOOLS ALL WENT

I wonder where my tools all went,

Did the neighbor bring back the ones I lent?

Did someone find my tools had quite an appeal,

And, take the time to just out-and-out steal?

Was it my cousin or brother?

Or, maybe grandmother?

If I didn't need tools it wouldn't be such a big deal.

A LITTLE LIE TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT MY HOME

I'm afraid I told my girlfriend a little fib,
When I bragged about my fabulous crib,
She was taken aback,
With my tar papered shack,
And, jabbed her elbow right into my rib.   

THE HEALTH CARE FRAUD LIMERICK

Jim's doctor does claims for fraudulent health care,
The doctor makes loads of money and Jim is aware,
For Jim fakes a heart attack,
And gets a hefty kickback,
You see there's lots of government money to share.  

THE UNSEEN DEER LIMERICK

There was a deer that was completely unseen,
He was hiding in branches real thick and real green,
To the hunters despair,
They saw no deer there,
At deer camp the hunters drank and went mean.

THE FISH IN MY YARD LIMERICK

I had a fish in my yard,
He went and ate my swiss chard,
He was such a savage, 
He ate all of my cabbage,
He brags about it everywhere like a bard.   

MY TURKEY MABEL WON'T BE SERVED ON MY TABLE

My turkey Mabel looked really nice,

Prancing around and pecking lice,

So, my turkey Mabel,

Won't be served on my table,

The restaurant paid a great price.

 

THE DASHSHUND DAN LIMERICK

Poor Dachshund Dan,
He wanted to walk like a man,
But, when he walked on two legs,
It was like he was moving stiff pegs,
And, he was stumbling around when he ran.

MY CHICKENS ARE MOVING REAL SLOW

My chickens are moving so slow,
They blame the cold and the snow,
But, if the cold they can't beat,
I guess they're ready to eat,
Tomorrow I'll let them all know.