THE LEGEND OF BRAN

I was the one sent to fight the great war,
Against the gargoyles and demons and monsters of yore,
I called upon the great forest trees,
They beat my enemies to their knees,
The universe continues as it had been before.

CRAZY JEANIE THE LIMERICK

Crazy Jeanie was a tether-ball queen,
She could beat any boy or girl because she was mean,
She’d pound the ball into the kid’s face,
Then, laugh and yell “Ace”,
Now, she rules as a college athletic school dean.

RALPHIE SWORE HE'D STAY OFF THE DRINK LIMERICK

Ralphie swore that he’d stay off the drink,
It would have gone well except for his girlfriend Ann Klink,
She was not real nice,
And, with a bottle of spiced rum she’d entice,
Ralphie ended up vomiting all night in the sink.

WHILE MARTY WAS DRIVING HIS ROADSTER LIMERICK

While Marty was driving his roadster,
He swerved to miss an old toadster,
He ran right into a tree,
The crash smashed-up his knee,
The hospital is where Marty takes abodester.

A NEW MOON THE TWENTY-THIRD LIMERICK

There's a new moon on the twenty-third,
It's so dark because the new moon occured,
I can't see my toes,
That's the least of my woes,
I opened my mouth I swallowed some bird.

POOR LITTLE MOLLY WET TO BED LIMERICK

Poor little Molly wet to bed,
She was embarrassed so enough said,
Then, when she became a teen,
She was a beauty queen,
She said “embarrassment is all in the head”.

WHAT THE WINTER SOLSTICE MEANS TO ME

It’s the Winter Solstice and I’m so happy,
The days are short and the nights cold and crappy,
Today I froze off my nose,
My fingers and toes,
My body is peeling and scrappy.

THE TWO CHICKENS TALK LIMERICK

This morning I heard two chickens squawk,
Then, their squawking seemed to turn to talk,
But, what did they say?
Was it goodnight or good day?
I don’t know because they were speaking in hawk.

TOE JAM JEFF

Jeff lives off the fat of the land,
In his old job he was summarily canned,
He made macaroni with bows,
With the jams from his toes,
But, some of his jams were loaded with sand.

WOOD CLOCK FALLS DOWN HAIKU

Wall clock falls down, crash, Splintered wood, glass chards, big mess,
Replaced, clock, plastic.

TAKE TIME TO CASTIGATE THE ONES THAT YOU LOVE LIMERICK

Take time to castigate the ones that you love,
Don’t give them a hand just give them a shove,
Blame them for you troubles,
For the real estate market bubbles,
Your loved ones are in the way of your reward up above.

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

It’s Friday the Thirteenth today,
I think that in bed I will stay,
My truck will not start,
I fell on a lawn jart,
And, I was pecked in the head by a jay.

THERE WAS A BITTER MAN

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He attacked his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.

I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THE BOOKS THAT I'VE READ LIMERICK

I can’t remember all the books that I’ve read,
All the movies I’ve seen or the foods that I’ve fed,
All I know is that tomorrow,
Be it joyful or full of sorrow,
My experiences are the guides and so I’m led.l

A NORTH POLE ELF NAMED HANES LIMERICK

There was a North Pole elf named Haynes,
He was in charge of the candy canes,
When the canes would not bend,
And were straight end to end,
He'd eat them though they gave him gas pains.

COME THE GREAT POST APOCALYPSE OF 2012

Come the great post apocalypse of 2012,
I’ll get my meals ready to eat dinners off the shelve,
I will survive many years,
Though I’ll cry many tears,
So, into the past I must resolve not to delve.