THERE WERE THREE LITTLE MICE ALL NAMED PERCY

There were three little mice all named Percy,
They attacked a nutty cheese ball without mercy,
When the cheese ball made them sick,
Then, they realized real quick,
That they'd need someone to drive them in a hearsey.

MONKEYS, CATTLE AND RATTLESNAKES LIMERICK

Two little monkeys raised and sold some cattle,
Then over the proceeds they started to battle,
One thought it was best,
That in cattle they reinvest,
The other wanted to raise snakes that would rattle. 

POOR BUTTERFLY: A FABLE POEM

Poor butterfly fluttering in the air,
With such desperation and despair,
The snow is blowing and winter is here,
It is the time that butterflies fear,

Unless, of course they do not taunt fate and stay,
And, with their fellow butterfly pilgrims stray,
Soon to greet the warm equatorial day,
And, feast on sweet nectar beneath the sun’s glowing ray.

PAULA THE PYTHON LIVED IN MY BATHTUB

Paula the python lived in my bathtub,
She was a poor pet but gave a great neck rub,
She liked to tease,
By giving me a tight neck squeeze,
But, she had high cholesterol and I was too fatty for grub.

MR. PURSE DRIVES A HEARSE

There was an old fella named Mr. Purse,
He worked every Tuesday driving a hearse,
He ran clear off the road,
Out the back went his load,
Seems old Purse had hit the reverse.

Mr. Purse drove a hearse for the dead,
From the parlor to the graveyard he tread,
He drove really bad,
Many accidents he had,
"It's good you only die once", people said.

THREE LITTLE GRAY MICE LIMERICK

There once were three little gray mice,
They tunneled deep beneath the ice,
They ran into a red fox,
Who liked mice with his lox,
He served them in a side dish with rice.

MY NEIGHBOR NEEDS A SHIRT LIMERICK

My neighbor was born with an extra arm and  a hand,
To find a shirt that would fit him he searched over the land,
Then, on one flea market table,
There was a cloth made of sable,
He cut some holes in it and felt royally grand.

THE PIZZA POEM

MY PIZZA
I went and bought a pizza,
I thought it really fine,
I set out my best paper plates,
And, poured out some red wine,

I invited over good friends,
So, together we could sup,
But, before my friends could get here,
My dog ate my pizza up.

I HOPE TO HECK MY PARSNIPS GROW LIMERICK

I hope to heck my parsnips grow, 
Deep beneath the piled up snow, 
In the winter I'll eat, 
Starvation I'll beat, 
If I remember where I planted the row.

A LIZZARD NAMED MORGAN MAY-Limerick

There was a lizard named Morgan May,
She did lizard stuff most every day,
She liked to eat mice,
Juicy crickets and lice,
When frightened she would just crawl away.

A BEAR AND A BIGFOOT WALKED INTO A PUB LIMERICK

A bear and a Bigfoot walked into a pub,
They each ordered a beer and a plate full of grub,
The bear finished his food fast,
The Bigfoot made his food last,
The bear was still hungry because he was a tub.

LENNY THE CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Lenny was a Christmas goose,
He was hunted while on the loose,
He did not get shot,
And, end up in a pot,
Because he died his feathers chartreuse.

THE PSYCHIC POWERS OF GRAPE JUICE

There was a psychic named Dottie Mapes,
She got her powers from the vine of grapes,
When she indulged she'd see such shapes,
Some were human and some were apes,

Sometimes her visions were just plain silly,
Like the monkey she saw named Colonel Willy,
He appeared wearing a Confederate hat,
He had a corn cob pipe and a baseball bat,

Willie liked to play checkers 'till morning,
Like most ghosts he'd be gone with no warning,
Grape juice, it seems, is not good for MS Mapes,
She'd best stick with juice not made out of grapes.

PP10152022

BARKLEY THE BUFFALO

Barkley was a buffalo,
He lived in Manistee,
And, everywhere that Barkley went,
He showed hostility,

Barkley tore up every bar,
He trampled people on the beach,
He showed road rage in his car,
His mind you could not reach,

Finally, they had to put Barkley down,
He was too dangerous and mean,
So, they chopped him up and made ground round,
Buffalo burger is really lean.

SNAKES IN A TRAILER

Everyone knows the tale of old Ben Taylor,
For he had snakes inside his trailer,
There were menacing snakes of every type,
They all crawled in by his water pipe,

Ben was lying on his couch,
Beside his pipe and tobacco pouch,
The snakes surrounded him on the floor,
And, blocked his exit out the door,

It was time old Benny had to pay,
For he was a snake hunter in his day,
All over the earth he hunted the reptile,
He killed thousands with his guile,

The rattlesnake bit Benny on the knee,
The mamba bit his eyes so Benny couldn't see,
The cobra bit Benny as he struggled for the door,
The python gobbled Benny up when he fell on the floor,

The whole trailer was searched with hoes and with rakes,
But, no one ever found those nasty, nasty snakes,
Some say this story is nothing more than hype,
But, someone saw a cobra smoking old Benny's pipe.

WHEN DO PIGS FLY?

Everyone wonders when pigs fly,
I happen to know it’s on the 4th of July,,
They strap on firecrackers that night,
Then, they light them and fly out of sight,
So, pigs fly but no one knows why?
 

TWO BIRDS FOUGHT OVER THE SAME NEST

Two birds fought over the same nest,
One was a sparrow; the other a robin red breast,
The sparrow was short and relatively small,
The robin big and by comparison tall,
The sparrow retreated because he thought it was best.

THERE WAS A SPIDER NAMED NELLIE

There once was a spider named Nellie,
She liked to eat toast with her jelly,
The home owners went away,
She ate toast and jelly all day,
That's why she has a big belly.

AMADEUS THE SKUNK LEFT HIS SCENT IN THE AIR LIMERICK

Amadeus the skunk left his scent in the air,
Everyone disliked it, but he seemed not to care,
One day while all alone,
Amadeus began to moan,
He opined for friends that just were not there.

1022

I HAVE A ROOMMATE WHO DOES NOT LIKE TO FLUSH

I have a roommate who does not like to flush,
It makes me sick when my teeth I must brush,
I hope and I pray,
He moves out one day,
If he doesn't I'll become a lush.