MY DAD AND HIS COON HOUND

My dad had a coon hound,
It was a vicious dog of prey,
It was a creature that was unbound,
It hunted night and day,

My dad was a terrible shot,
He never could shoot straight,
It is good for my starving family’s lot,
The coon hound got its rate,

The coon hound found the duck and quail,
The coon hound spied the deer,
The coon hound found the rabbit without fail,
And when the DNR was near.

*

POOR RIPPY AND HIS SNORT

Rippy liked to take a snort,
Of his homemade wine,
He drank it when he woke-up,
And, every time he’d dine,

One day he ran out of homemade brew,
He felt panic from mind to sash,
He had no tension deliberator,
He could not buy any without some cash,

Poor Rippy had a mental breakdown,
It seems his mind was made of mash,
In a soft cell Rippy sits in a gown,
Against the walls his head he doth bash.

GASOLINE PRICES

Because gasoline prices are going way up,
I have no money on which to sup,
I'll sell my blood,
Borrow from my best bud,
Still, I can't buy  coffee for my cup. 

MARNIE PUT OUT FOR INSPECTION

Marnie put out for close inspection,
Her entire mint stamp collection,
It was a high value estate,
That she would share with a mate,
I decided to give Marnie my full affection.

ANDY GOT THRILLS FROM KOSHER DILLS-Limerick

Andy ate only kosher dills,
Only kosher dills gave Andy thrills,
He once ate a sweet pickle,
That put Andy in a fickle,
He broke out with hives and had chills,

WERIDO PSYCHIC GETS DUMPED BY GIRLFRIEND LIMERRICK

Weirdo, weirdo can you see all,
Or are your psychic scenes a stall,
Is there a chance?
Your mind is full of romance,
When she dumped you, you didn’t see the fall.

BETSY THE RELIABLE

Betsy, late for work,
Missed buss again, walk too far,
Called in sick again.

Betsy's schedule is very pliable,
She is late and calls in sick a lot,
However,Betsy is so reliable,
You can rely that at work she is not.

MY HEART IS AN ACHING VALINTINE

My heart is an aching valentine,
My girlfriend left me so now I wine,
I'm no good at romance,
But, thought I'd take a chance,
I found love at the bar now I'm fine.

VALENTINES DAY LIMERICK

Well today is Valentines Day,
And, I’ve got something to say,
Forget flowers and candy,
Just bring me some brandy,
The day seems much brighter that way.

TIREMARY, MARY AND HER DAIRY

Mary, Mary liked her dairy,
She liked eggs,ice cream and cheese,
She could eat ice cream by the gallon,
And yet, Mary would never freeze,

Mary, Mary would never tarry,
To fill an omelette with melted cheese,
For to serve an omelette without it,
To Marry was a really cheap tease,

Mary, Mary dated a guy named Barry,
Who was allergic to all dairy foods,
But, every single meal was really scary,
So, Mary dumped Barry for healthier dudes.

FRANK LIKES MUCK

Frank likes to go swimming in lakes full of muck,
That's where he'll go swimming with any luck,
He likes the muck squishing between his toes,
And, any where else the squishy muck goes,
Someday he'll sink down and get stuck.

PAULA WAS AN INCH WORM

Paula was an inch worm who really liked to play,
She inched around on her belly every day,
Then, along came her dad,
He said Paula was bad,
He said she din't measure up any way.

THE PROBLEM WITH NOSE SLUGS

The problem with nose slugs as you all know,
Is you must pick and pull at them or they won't go,
They don't come out on their own,
Until they're full grown,
By then they've crawled way down below.

THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE RABBIT LIMERICK

This is called the year of the rabbit,
I have to break my rabbit hunt habit,
So, I’ll go hunting for squirrel,
Though their taste makes me hurl,
If I see a hare I think I will nab it.