CANKER CREAM II

Many people fell for the scheme,

Of trying to buy canker cream,

Buy, why should you try it,

Just go change things in your diet,

Save money and let your smile beam.

CANKER CREAM I

Poor Sam had a mouth full of cankers,

They were puffy and not pinchers or yankers,

The suave to make they go away,

Was much more than Sam's pay,

So, Sam got three loans from three different bankers. 

SUCKED DOWN ON THE ICE: A FISHERMAN'S TALE

When I was fishing out on the ice,

A thing happened that made me think twice,

For, up from the ice hole, 

Came a giant snake with a roll,

He sucked me down and his breath smelled like mice.

UNDER THE WEATHER SORE THROAT

I bought me some throat lounges but, my throat is still sore,

It feels like some elf gave my throat a tear and a tore,

I wish the weather would get better,

Instead, of colder and wetter,

So, I'm feeling under the weather and more.

BARD'S GOT A CONCRETE MUSHROOM SONG

The concrete mushroom in my yard,

Gave inspiration to the local bard,

But, it seems awful wrong,

For a concrete mushroom song,

When finding tasty mushrooms is hard. 

EYE ON SOUSE

When Miller stopped at the Biergarten House,

He tarried there instead of going home to his spouse,

Which made his lonely spouse sob,

Till, she got a biergarten job,

Now, the spouse keeps an eye on her souse.  

PLANT CLOSURES AND THE PURLOINED TOILET PAPER

The plant shut down and Dan was sent out the door,

He purloined some bath tissue to even the score,

But, he was caught with his booty,

And, the police got real shooty,

Now, Dan is worm food and he'll be nothing more. 

THE ROOM IN MY WALLET

There's lots of wiggle room in my wallet,

I'm broke and don't know what else to call it,

But, I'm soon to get pay,

Then, I'll have a good day,

And, I and my friends can go mall it. 

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

Many people believe that their lives are a mess,

To the fairies of failure they kneel to and confess,

Of course, all the silver and gold,

Are success symbols oversold, 

When, food and a warm place to sleep is success

THE PEARL DIVING DOG NAMED SAM

My little dog named Sam,

Diving for pearls he swam,

But, no oysters, no pearls,

Still, he got attention from girls,

"He's my dog," I'd say like a ham.

WINE, BEER AND THE SINUS BAD CHEER

My sinuses are on the decline,

I drank wine which makes them not fine,

But, when I drink beer,

My sinuses are of raw cheer,

So, with alcohol I no longer dine.

UP INTO MY EARS

When my eyes let go some tears,

Before me a tissue box soon appears,
But, the tissue the box wouldn't let go,

And, with a full nose to blow,

An explosion went up into my ears.

THE CHICKEN THAT WOULD NOT FLY

That chicken just won't fly,

It's wings are clipped and it's about to fry,

And, when it's breast is frying done,

I have some mayonnaise on a bun,

Then, under some bacon and tomato it will lie.

MY FEELINGS ON DRINKING SNOW WATER

I drank snow water and it was so cold,

My throat froze and I was not sold,

I want my water hotter,

Save the cold for an otter,

My drink makes me feel I'm too bold.

 

I ENTERED A BEAUTY CONTEST LIMERICK

I entered a beauty contest,

And, I gave it all of my best,

But, I had disproportional stacking,

And, way too much backing,

Of course, my hair was a big bedbug nest.   

THE NEEDLE IN THE THIGH SUGAR HIGH

I thought I was going to die,

When my tailor stuck a needle in my thigh,

It hurt so bad I had to cry,

Then, I looked at my tailor and didn't have to ask why?

My tailor had all over his tie,

A chocolate bar both melted and dry,

It seems my tailor was on a sugar high,

So, I thought I'd give another tailor a try.

OBEY THE LAW OR YOU WILL BE SPLAYED

In Midland they have an old saying,

In Clare it's a law worth obeying,

Don't eat any old Christmas wreath,

For it will green up your teeth,

And, your entrails will feel like their splaying. 

PRESCRIPTION SPILLS ADD TO MY BILLS

Because of frequent spills,

I ran out of my prescription pills,

When I asked to replace,

My insurance said "face,"

So, replacement costs are one more of my bills.

THE SPARROW'S NUMBER WAS UP

For the sparrow it was up, his number,

He was frozen to a dead branch in slumber,

His life had past,

So brief, so fast,

One dead bird sitting on dead lumber,

THE NETHERWORLD ONLINE

I found the nether world online,

A place where pop and chips recline,

It's a place to slumber,

With re-attributed lumber,

Where my firebox becomes  the place I hang wine.