I LOST MY JOB ETC. LIMERICK

I lost my job, my car and, my home,
I'm kind of stuck with no where to roam,
I've moved in with my parents,
I'm here with forbearance,
I can't drink the stuff with the foam.

WITH NO SPINNER I'LL HAVE NO FISH FOR DINNER

I did not catch no fish for dinner,

For in the weeds I lost my spinner,

And, spinners bring joy,

To each fish girl and fish boy,

So, with no spinner I'm no winner.

THE LEANEST CHICKEN SANDWICH IS NOT AS GOOD AS BEAN

I ate a chicken sandwich guaranteed to be lean,

But, there wasn't any chicken for the sandwich bun was clean, 

And, I was in a daze,

Because, there was no mayonnaise,

So, next time I want some protein I'll order a sandwich made from bean. 

DOWN CAME THE OLD WHITE PINE LIMERICK

Down came the old white pine,

After a lightning bolt broke its spine,

Now, I'll use the branches and splinters,

For hearth fires in future winters,

And, leave the needles so the critters to dine.

I JUST MADE THIS TWEET

I just made this tweet,

I just made this twitter,

I commented on someone's poor hygiene,

Then, their response was bitter.

THERE WAS A BAND THAT PLAYED OUT OF TUNE

A band played way out of tune,
They played from midnight until noon,
And, they could not keep a beat,
Even tapping their feet,
I wish they would quit really soon.

DRIVER'S EYE EXAM HAIKU

Driver’s exam, eyes,
Letters, blur, blur, gone, can't see,
No see, no drive, Failed!

I DID NOT FRECKLE WELL

I fear my face has been Dr. Jeckeled,
I went to bed with clear skin and woke up all freckled,
And, the great change in my face,
Has my friends on my case,
For all the rest of the day I was heckled.