IT''S NEW YEARS EVE AND I'M WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ON KING TUT

It’s New Years Eve and my girl Mary,
Ran off with some dude she called Barry,
Even my pup ran off with some mutt,
Leaving me watching a documentary on the life of king Tut,

I’m so very glad that this year,
Has reached its imminent demise,
I shed not a single tear,
I hope next year I’ll be wise,

No girlfriends for me,
No pets for me anymore,
I’ll cherish the time I am free,
While only myself I’ll adore.

THE FISH WITH JUST ONE FIN

There once was a fish with just one fin,
He swam around and around again,
All in circles he went,
Till his fuel was all spent,
Then a big catfish made him his din.

SANTA ON CHRISTMAS DAY

On Christmas day Santa sat smoking his pipe,
He had just opened up a new can of fresh tripe,
His job was now over,
No coin till October,
But, Mrs. Claus could get work; she could type.

DON'T BE LATE FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER

Christmas turkey meal,
Really late, not much food left,
Skin, gravy, half bun.

Day off, sleep in, late,
Christmas dinner done, no food,
Present, alarm clock.

TINA HAD A SILVER DOLLAR COLLECTION LIMERICK

Tina had a silver dollar collection,
Each night she’d get them out for her inspection,
To her numismatic joy,
Two of them had a boy,
She found a fifty- cent Franklin by detection.

ED THE CHRISTMAS HAM

My favorite little pig is Ed,
He has these big brown eyes,
But, when it comes to a Christmas ham,
He'll have a big surprise.

I MADE A CHEESE-BALL WITHOUT CHEESE

I made a holiday cheese-ball without cheese,
Because, dairy makes my kinfolk wheeze,
But, the sawdust and dust,
Gave my cheese-ball a crust,
I guess some people you just cannot please.

BEVERLY MADE A RASPBERRY PIE LIMERICK

Beverly made a pretty raspberry pie,
It had a great smile yet, only one eye,
But, before you could sneeze,
She made an eye patch out of cheese,
Now her pie looks like the pirate Captain Bly,