THE END OF MY POGO-STICK

I ran over my pogo-stick with my old car,
Now I can't pogo, jump high or jump far,
So, I just thought it was best,
To lay my pogo to rest,
Some thought my pogo stick funeral bizarre.

MY PET BAT GAVE ME RABIES

I had a giant bat,
That lived underneath my sink,
It's body was pitch black,
But, it's tongue was a bright pink,

It liked to lick my forehead,
And bite me on the nose,
And, when I laid down to sleep at night,
It would nibble on my toes,

I got use to my big bat,
It was like he was a pet,
He was not a flying rat,
But, a friend that I had met,

So, I was not very happy,
When my pet bat flew away,
I then came down with rabies and,
Wished I could make that big bat pay.

I WENT DEER HUNTING WITH A SLINGSHOT LIMERICK

I went deer hunting with just a slingshot,
My luck was real good, really not,
The shot bounced off of the deer,
Got lodged in my ear,
And, there it must stay till I rot.

I'M NOT READY FOR DEAR HUNTING THIS YEAR

I'm not ready for dear hunting this year, 
I have the wrong kind of ammo it would appear,
For some doe I won't trifle,
So, I bought buckshot for my riffle,
And, the fit is not really clear.

IT'S HARD TO VOTE WHEN YOU'RE SOBRE

I was lectured a patriotic quote
On how I must go out and vote,
But, I couldn't check any box,
For I shook with detox,
And, my flask was in my other coat.

MY ELECTION DAY CHOICES LIMERICK

On election day I just could not choose,
Whoever won meant that I would then lose,
So, I wrote in "Burgers and Fries."
For food tells no lies,
Except, for judges I voted for "Booze." 

ON ELECTION DAY

On election day I din't capitulate,
And, vote for any names approved by the state,
So, I wrote my own in,
Oh wow, what a sin,
I'll be in prison until 3008. 

JOHN'S JOB INTERVIEW

John could not find any socks that matched at all,

He ripped his pants and stained his shirt at the mall,
He knew his job interview,
Went completely phew,
When, the interviewer said "I won't call".