NEW BOOTS AND WORMS IN A CORNFIELD

In a cornfield I stood worried about what to eat,

When, my boots started sinking into a pile of corncrete,

I wretched I thought,

For those were new boots I had bought,

And, worms would surely eat through them to my feet.

THE EASTER BASKET BLUES

I got an Easter basket but, I do not have any shoes,

I can't use my basket for footwear because it did not come in twos,

My feet are too big to share,

And, my weight one basket won't bare,

I'll just wait until next Easter then, a second basket will bring good news. 

THE UNCLE JAY JAY RHYMES

My uncle Jay Jay,

Bleached his toupee,

Now his hair is all white,

Like his daddy Ray Ray,

My uncle Jay Jay,

Played his trumpet all day,

Then, went fishing at night,

Out on Grand Traverse Bay,

My uncle Jay Jay,

Once played in a band at night,

But, with the jazz flutist,

Had a fist fight,

My uncle Jay Jay,

Didn't like the sound of the flute,

For any woodwinds he did not give a hoot,

He said only a brass horn could give a good toot,

My uncle Jay Jay,

Left this world with the tide,

In the next world he's sitting all full of pride,

Making toot in a brass band of trumpets and slide.     

  

TOO PRETTY FOR A BIG CITY: A POSSUM'S STORY

There was a little possum we all knew as Begonia, 

Her actual name was a rhyme known as Sonja,

She did not like Traverse City,

Thought it too big for one so pretty,

So, she moved herself and her stuff to Benzonia.

A FLIPPING TUNA WITH TATERS

A giant tuna way out in the sea,

Swam up the river for me,

I hooked him in the lip,

Pulled him on shore in mid-flip, 

Now, I'll serve him with taters at tea.

BENNY BROKE AN EARLOBE

Benny broke an earlobe,

Now it's an ear flap,

Whoever heard of breaking an earlobe?

By wearing a too tight baseball cap.

CANKER CREAM II

Many people fell for the scheme,

Of trying to buy canker cream,

Buy, why should you try it,

Just go change things in your diet,

Save money and let your smile beam.

CANKER CREAM I

Poor Sam had a mouth full of cankers,

They were puffy and not pinchers or yankers,

The suave to make they go away,

Was much more than Sam's pay,

So, Sam got three loans from three different bankers. 

SUCKED DOWN ON THE ICE: A FISHERMAN'S TALE

When I was fishing out on the ice,

A thing happened that made me think twice,

For, up from the ice hole, 

Came a giant snake with a roll,

He sucked me down and his breath smelled like mice.

UNDER THE WEATHER SORE THROAT

I bought me some throat lounges but, my throat is still sore,

It feels like some elf gave my throat a tear and a tore,

I wish the weather would get better,

Instead, of colder and wetter,

So, I'm feeling under the weather and more.

BARD'S GOT A CONCRETE MUSHROOM SONG

The concrete mushroom in my yard,

Gave inspiration to the local bard,

But, it seems awful wrong,

For a concrete mushroom song,

When finding tasty mushrooms is hard. 

EYE ON SOUSE

When Miller stopped at the Biergarten House,

He tarried there instead of going home to his spouse,

Which made his lonely spouse sob,

Till, she got a biergarten job,

Now, the spouse keeps an eye on her souse.  

PLANT CLOSURES AND THE PURLOINED TOILET PAPER

The plant shut down and Dan was sent out the door,

He purloined some bath tissue to even the score,

But, he was caught with his booty,

And, the police got real shooty,

Now, Dan is worm food and he'll be nothing more. 

THE ROOM IN MY WALLET

There's lots of wiggle room in my wallet,

I'm broke and don't know what else to call it,

But, I'm soon to get pay,

Then, I'll have a good day,

And, I and my friends can go mall it. 

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

Many people believe that their lives are a mess,

To the fairies of failure they kneel to and confess,

Of course, all the silver and gold,

Are success symbols oversold, 

When, food and a warm place to sleep is success

THE PEARL DIVING DOG NAMED SAM

My little dog named Sam,

Diving for pearls he swam,

But, no oysters, no pearls,

Still, he got attention from girls,

"He's my dog," I'd say like a ham.

WINE, BEER AND THE SINUS BAD CHEER

My sinuses are on the decline,

I drank wine which makes them not fine,

But, when I drink beer,

My sinuses are of raw cheer,

So, with alcohol I no longer dine.

UP INTO MY EARS

When my eyes let go some tears,

Before me a tissue box soon appears,
But, the tissue the box wouldn't let go,

And, with a full nose to blow,

An explosion went up into my ears.

THE CHICKEN THAT WOULD NOT FLY

That chicken just won't fly,

It's wings are clipped and it's about to fry,

And, when it's breast is frying done,

I have some mayonnaise on a bun,

Then, under some bacon and tomato it will lie.

MY FEELINGS ON DRINKING SNOW WATER

I drank snow water and it was so cold,

My throat froze and I was not sold,

I want my water hotter,

Save the cold for an otter,

My drink makes me feel I'm too bold.