I PINE AND PINE FOR MY TREE

I pine and pine for my tree,

It was an oak that disease made soul free,

But, I loved it the most,

And, I yearn for its ghost,

To comfort and stand over me.

DOG GONE UNICORN WILL BE MY HASH BROWNS RUIN

I just saw a unicorn skipping across the farm,

He went trespassing through my potato patch and did my taters harm,

The taters became hash,

And, only fries get me big cash,

Next time I'll get that unicorn when he trips my new alarm.

BE KIND, BEARS

I went out to the chicken coop and what beasts did I find,

Two great big bears and they were unkind.

They ate my rooster named Joe,

And, my favorite hen, Flo,

Then, upon my shocked face they did dine.

I ORDERED ONLINE AND I AIN'T DOING FINE

I stayed in place and ordered all of my stuff online,

I emptied the boxes that came now, there's nowhere to dine,

And,

My living room is filling,

I just hope providence is willing,

To save me a spot to drink wine.

DOES ANYONE HAVE CLEAN UNDERWARE?

Does anyone have clean underware?

Or, are they all soiled because TP is rare?

Of course it's best not roam,

But, just stay to home,

Where your friends and your family won't care?

I'M A DREAMER NOT A LOOSER limerick

Although I might be a poor choice chooser,

And, some would define my state to be looser,

But, I must protest,

Because I'm on a quest,

A dream quest so, I'm a snoozer.

I OVER SHELTERED IN PLACE

I was ordered to "shelter in place,"

Then, they cut the utilities at my shelter base,

So, there I quietly stayed,

For about a dcade,

When I left no one knew my old face.

ALONG CAME THE GRIZZLY BEAR

I had lots of pumpkins and bosc pears,

So, I fed them to the local bears,

Then, this grizzly comes along,

It ate the local bears; that's wrong!

Then, the grizzly ate my mule and mares. 

WHAT THE RAIN BROUGHT

The rain fell down on the road,

It froze: all wrecks were eventually towed,

Deep ditches I feared,

When the bottoms I neared,

I feared worse the repair bills I owed.

  

WHAT'S CORN GOT TO DO WITH IT?

I am in love but, I know scorn,

I am ignored like the never born,

Truly I must say,

Love hurts in that special way,

Like lacking teeth to chew up corn.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FREE CORN IN THE SNOW

Four ears of corn stuck out of the snow,

Two turkeys took it for a free eat & go,

But, the corn was just bait,

Owned by an eagle and mate,

In wait to unleash talon woe.

PREDICTIONS

Tuesday, there will be record cold

Wednesday, there will be plague,

Thursday, that's when the stock's are sold,

Friday's outlook is still quite vague.

Saturday, we all eat pie,

Sunday, no one gives a hoot,

Monday, we'll ask great spirit why?

Tuesday, "Taps"we''ll toot, toot, toot.

IT'S WHAT'S IN THE SYRUP THAT COUNTS WITH PANCAKES

I eat lots of pancakes which keeps me well fed,

I ran out of maple syrup so I used cough syrup instead,

The flavor made it a different dine,

It was like pancakes and wine,

I passed out and I awoke, wet to bed. 

VELCRO QUICK

I bought some shoes with Velcro stick,

It makes securing footwear so very quick,

Those long complicated shoelaces,

Would put me through my paces,

And, getting a bow to stay tied was some trick.

WHAT FELL IN THE TREES STAYS IN THE TREES

Nobody knows what fell in the trees,

But, they say that my uncle crawled out on his knees,

Was there an alien race?

From deep outer space?

Or, did my uncle urinate on some bees?

READ CAUTIOUSLY OR DEVINE EXPLANATION

Hiding in the woods dark green,

Down below the forest spleen,

Central music from the pond of frogs,

Instinctively, the choir sings from island logs,

Of their alien world of in between.

THE MICHIGAN PRIMARY: MY WORST FEAR CAME TRUE

I went to the Michigan primary and found my worst fear,

I was in line behind Santa, his sleigh, elves and, deer,

The elves and deer had big fight,

Over which candidate was right,

And, Santa's pipe made my eyes ache and tear.

MY PRETZEL PAST

In my pretzel past, I was an overeater,
I ate pretzel snacks with a pop, 1.5 liter,
With all the pretzels I ate,
I gained plenty of weight,
So, on planes I occupied a two-seater.

DON'T FORGET THE SPRAY ON DAYLIGHT SAVINGS DAY

Daylight savings means workers lose one morning hour,

Most manage a breakfast but have no time for a shower,

So, I just embrace,

The smells of my working place,

And, use can spray with the scent of a flower.

PUMPKIN SUP, NOT!

I spied a pumpkin underneath a dead pine tree,

There was no one around so, I figured it was free,

I imagined it would be my sup,

It could feed my kids and pup,

Then, along comes a bear who claimed the orange meat was for he.

I WENT TO THE MOON TO PRACTICE

I went to the moon where I could find a great vacant land,

Where the neighbors couldn't complain when I pretend I'm in band,

Where I can make a big tone,

On my terror trombone,

And, the police don't take me off to be canned.

THE IDES OF MARCH COMETH THEN, COMETH REVENGE

The Idea of March cometh soon in the year,

That's when dear Brutus gifted Caesar a tear,

Because he thought Caesar was wrong,

Brutus joined the stab along,

But, Brutus cringed seeing Caesar's heir carried a spear.

GOAT CHEESE AND MY PRIMARY EXPECTATIONS

I went to the primary to cast my vote,

There I learned my candidate was no longer afloat,

So, I voted with a snore,

Glad I found the exit door,

Then, I went home and made cheese with the goat.