I RAN TO FIRST BASE

I went to the racetrack to watch others race,

I'd race myself but, I can't keep up the pace,

I raced in high school,

And, was a laughing stock tool,

So, I quit racing, joined the choir and sang base.

LIFE OF A FRESHMAN

For purposes around nights' mid,

We all carouse to feed our id,

We also binge eat,

Pizza with cheese/meat,

Sucking soda through plastic lid.

I STRUGGLED FOR DILL ON THE HILL

I struggled to get up the hill,

To pick me a sack full of dill,

For I had sour pickles to can,

And, bought dill was a ban,

For, I had no coin to pay at the till. 

PLIGHT OF THE TUMBLED TREE

Oh my pretty tree has fallen,

Now the fungi come a callin',

Fungi are aggressive dears,

Who grow big obtrusive ears,

While fungi sup I will be ballin'. 

THE MASTER OF THE SING-SONG TAP

I once was a masterful dancer of tap,

My best work I did to the music of rap,

But, then something went wrong,

When, music all went sing-song,

Sing-song I couldn't tap worth a crap.

THE TEMPEST ROUND THE POSIES CAUSED ME TO KNIT COZIES

I went out into my garden to pick some rosies,

But, there was a tempest around all of my posies,

And, what could I do?

I hadn't a clue,

So, back inside I went to knit cozies.  

THE SOUR-SWEET PICKLE GETS SUED

The pickle made a false statement,

It said that it was sweet,

But, when I bit into it,

It was so sour, what deceit! 

So, I sued the pickle for malfeasance,

And, fraud according to law,

But, the whole thing was completely dismissed,

When, the case was moved to Wichita.

I AVOID SQUIRRELS WHEN THE ACORNS ARE EMPTY

My acorns were empty; they've all rotted out,

The squirrels were hungry and I have with them no clout,

Next, they were looking at me,

Like I'm a steak lettered "T,"

So, I've winter and won't be out and about, 

ONLINE BACK TO SCHOOL LIMERICK

I did back to school shopping all of it, online,

I got the stuff and it was just fine,

Overall, it took only two days,

The time saved really pays,

Yet, the traditional hassle in stores I did pine.

THE WONDERS OF AGING

I could not save my hair today,

No cold creams rubbed my wrinkles away,

My mental state?

I'm confused of late,

And, I lost another tooth today.

  

DIGGER DOG THE POTATO POOCH AND HIS MASTER SCARAMOUCH

Digger Dog the potato pooch,

Dug potators for his master's hooch,

Hooch made the master thrilled,

One of the actor's guild,

Who played every day Scaramouch.

SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY LIMERICK

Speeding down the highway I did swerve,
Forming a geodesic curve,
Things became tense.
There was suspense,
But, lying helpless I showed nerve.

THE POEM OF THE BAD BOOZE

I had a whiskey that was brown,

I had a whiskey that was clear,

I had a whiskey that was a rusty haze,

Then, my kidneys kicked into high gear, 

I had some wine that was red,

I had some wine that was white,

I had some wine that was blue,

And, now I've lost my sight,

I had some beer that was green,

I had some beer that was brown, 

I had some beer that was black,

Now, I reside in coffin town. 

BIG SHIP WANNABE

My boat was a dingy and it floated away,

I forgot to secure it at the dock in the bay,

And, wherever it be,

I hope that the sea,

Takes care of the big ship wannabe.  

THE STEAMY OUTHOUSE AND THE BROOK

In the early morn when the mind is still dreamy,

The outhouse sat all quiet and steamy,

It sat by a quaint brook,

A nice place to read book,

But, during floods the floor would get streamy, 

THE THEFT OF MY ONLINE DEVICE

I do not think it very nice,

That someone stole my online device,

Now, all know my contacts I.D.'s,

From the A's to the Z's,

And, all my friends have all been trolled twice.

TO MY PATRONS AS i RETIRE

If you have some problem then,

Come and visit me, 

For, somewhere in my short stories, poems and limericks,

I might have some comfort there for thee.

TEN TO THE POWER OF NINETY-NINE

Dim-bulb Davis and his gang of ten,

Thought a good fight would prove they were men,

So, after a day of drinking whiskey and wine,

They stood up to a gang numbering ninety plus nine,

Dim-bulb's gang was destroyed showing the finality of Zen.

IN THE CRAWLSPACE I MADE A CRAWL

In the crawlspace I made a crawl,

That's where I found my best haul,

I found some old toys,

That brought me back ancient joys,

Of siblings and each possession brawl.

A TALE OF TWO BERRIES

In the garden there was a lonely blackberry vine,

It found a vine of raspberries and there was an intertwine,

The resulting affair,

Caused new generations to bear,

Raspblackberries which made an exquisite wine.