I TOOK THE TOOTH FAIRY TO COURT

I lost my tooth and the tooth fairy gave me only a dime,

The tooth had a gold cap so, the fairy committed a crime,

So, I took the tooth fairy to court,

The judge ruled that my tooth came up short,

 It was discounted because it was covered all in grime. 

FOREVER VILIFIED BY A PHOTO

In photos, why do thin people always stand next to me?

They make me look huge since, I have their girth times three,

I'm in a food hog position,

Causing them malnutrition,

At least that's what generations will see.

MEAN DON'T CUT IT WITH THE REEPER

I should of been my brother's keeper,

Told this was I by Grim The Reeper,

I was terrible mean,

Too late to come clean,

I'll be real uncomfortable when I'm a sleeper.

I WENT TO THE GROCERY AT THE END OF MARCH

I went to the grocery store at the end of March,

All I could afford was a small box of starch,

But, I'm glad it was present,

To feed this starving peasant,

I just need a pop or I'll parch.

YEARBOOK

I went to my senior yearbook but, that was a bust,

All of the pages had turned into dust,

Of course it might be a win,

For I never fit in,

I got by, got my diploma but, just.

CREAM CORN AND YAM: HAPPY EASTER TO SAM

I can't go to the store for an Easter ham,

My main menu item is an expired canned yam,

But, I will not morn, 

I found a can of cream corn,

Which I'll share with my mouse guest named Sam.

STUFF FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

I dreamed the Easter Bunny brought me three cans of peas,

He brought me three cans of corn and cough drops for disease,

But, he brought me no candy,

Just a stuffed chicken named Andy,

And, a jar of honey manufactured by bees.

THE CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY TREAT

A large chocolate Easter bunny went hopping down the street,

Starving little children watched with want for food to eat,

So, I journeyed out my door, 

 With my golf club I named "Four,"

 And, all the little children had a chocolate Easter treat.

MY DUSTY EASTER EGGS

The eggs I have are powered to dust,

For Easter I'll use them I suppose,  I must,

There's no fresh eggs or fresh bacon,

From the store shelves they've been taken,

My Easter breakfast this year is a bust.

I DECLARE SNOW FORT INDEPENDENCE

I declare my independence with my snow fort nation,

Anyone who attacks will get a snowball ration,

This ain't any gag,

I've got a snow fort flag,

I'm piling ammunition for a long duration.

A VAMPIRE FINDS THE LIGHT

After living forever under a vampire curse,

I decided to escape to a multiverse,

Through a portal I made my run,

Found a verse with only sun,

I tried to escape to  a brand new verse,

Now, things have become much, much worse.

THE FAMILY BULLY PICKS WHAT'S ON THE BIG SCREEN

When the family is all home the tensions rise and rise,

And, as time wears on there's a good humor demise,

At the end there are no more votes,

On where the remote control floats,

Brute force wins in the end, no surprise.

I WENT FISHING FOR STEELHEAD IN THE WEE EARLY SPRING

I went fishing for steelhead in the wee early spring, 

With a hook-line, the capture is a spiritual thing,

A steely will lunge round logs and rocks,

A fight lasts many ticks and tocks,

The fillets so delicious; what satisfaction they bring.

TEA WITH THE WRONG TASTE

That tea just tasted so wrong,

It wasn't brewed even that strong,

Of course I knew it was old,

When I scraped off the mold,

It's a barff night; I won't be waiting too long.

BASKETBALL ON THE MOON

I went to the moon and built a basketball court,   

I love to dunk baskets but, on earth I'm too short,

Of course, my shots are too long,

When I play moon based pingpong,

However, on the moon pingpong ain't much of a sport.

MY BACON, APPLE, CINNAMON, CHEEZY PIE

I kept my baking powder very dry,

So, I could bake my Apple pie,

I use apples, cinnamon and cheese,

I bake at 350 degrees,

And, pile on bacon to the sky.

I PINE AND PINE FOR MY TREE

I pine and pine for my tree,

It was an oak that disease made soul free,

But, I loved it the most,

And, I yearn for its ghost,

To comfort and stand over me.

DOG GONE UNICORN WILL BE MY HASH BROWNS RUIN

I just saw a unicorn skipping across the farm,

He went trespassing through my potato patch and did my taters harm,

The taters became hash,

And, only fries get me big cash,

Next time I'll get that unicorn when he trips my new alarm.

BE KIND, BEARS

I went out to the chicken coop and what beasts did I find,

Two great big bears and they were unkind.

They ate my rooster named Joe,

And, my favorite hen, Flo,

Then, upon my shocked face they did dine.

I ORDERED ONLINE AND I AIN'T DOING FINE

I stayed in place and ordered all of my stuff online,

I emptied the boxes that came now, there's nowhere to dine,

And,

My living room is filling,

I just hope providence is willing,

To save me a spot to drink wine.