DEER CAMP 2022

At deer camp, we got 16 deer, 4 goats and ten trolls,

And, Ron got two garden gnomes, methinks that he stoles,

And, Frederick The Peasant,

Thought he got a pheasant

But it was a skunk; not one of our goals.

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MOM'S WATTLE HOUSE, AND BIRD FOOD

My mom has lived in a little, cozy, wattle house,

Ever since she lost my dear dad, her devoted  spouse,

She lives down by the old slurry,

That dumps into the Missouri,

Mom eats by hunting birds, like pigeons, peckers and grouse.

BEES GIVE US FRUIT, AND DADDY GIVES US MEAT

Soon, all the bees, will become quite dead,

That is what my homeroom teacher, said,

It is the hard working bees,

That stick the fruit to our trees,

My daddy gets our deer meat, with lead.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL NEED A BEAVER GUN

I went out canoeing this morning, and ran into a big, beaver damn,

The beaver saw me and started hissing, I saw him, and thought, Easter ham,

I did not have my beaver gun,

So I wrestled him, just for fun,

Now, I'm in his lair, feeding his babies, and missing my fiance, Pam.

THE TOAD, FROG TONGUE SONG SUNG

I once knew a toad, and he was very young,

He had a toad body, but a long, frog tongue,

His tongue lashed out to the sky,

As he caught every fly,

That's when I wrote down, this new song I just sung.

JOHNNY RINGNECK

Johnny Ringneck was a pheasant,
He was hunted by a peasant,
Johnny dodged bird shot, 
Which he did quite a lot,
But, Johnny lost some feathers in his crescent. 

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HE FRANKED AROUND AND FOUND OUT

Frank was bald as a marble, yet coveted thick, long hair,

Frank was inspired, when he eye spied, Big Benny The Bear,

Frank went hunting for Benny,

The hair?  Frank didn't get any,

But, Benny with his claws, skinned Frank, and made skin underwear.

APOCALYPSE HUNTER

Although they're easy to catch protein, do not eat too many rats,

They will give you big gas bubbles, and their meats are full of bad fats,

I eat rats five times each week,

Then other vermin, I seek,

Sometimes I will eat bird, if I find them before, the feral cats.

MAY 1ST: OPENING DAY OF THE MICHIGAN DRONE SEASON

It was the earliest part of the month of May,

I went drone hunting, one crystal clear, cold day,

With my shotgun named, Morris

And my two hound dog chorus,

We picked off a drone that came in from the bay.

A VENISON CHRISTMAS

I spent my Christmas morning, hand feeding red apples to the deer,

I petted every single deer, showing them they need not fear,

My next door neighbor, Mean Joe,

Shot every buck and doe,

He's been cutting up venison, I hope he brings some over here.

SQUIRREL FOOD

I shot a squirrel that was up in a tree,

I will eat squirrel meat, when I have my tea,

You know what's what's,

I found his nuts,

I will chew on his nuts, when I watch tv. 

SQUAIL

I recently, went hunting for the elusive squail,

It's about 1\3rd squirrel, and 2\3rds of a quail,

It has the flavor of nuts,

Yet, smells like chicken butts,

I cover up with hollandaise sauce, garnished with kale.

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THE DEER HUNT AND THE BAT LIMERICK

I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.  

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TWO MEN AND A SUITCASE

Two men had a suitcase full of contraband beer,

They brought it in from Canada in their trunk rear,

It was good beer, but moved bowels,

Best keep near lots of towels,

It was a Canadian special made for hunters of deer.

THE HUNTERS WENT HOME

When the hunters at deer camp went out chasing the deer,

The deer doubled back to deer camp, and drank all the beer,

When the hunters finished their roam,

They packed up and went home,

Saying, "No deer, no beer, I'm not here."

HUNTER MORTY FEEDS HIS HUN

Morty got a deer today, so now his hunting is done,

He packaged up his venison, and locked away his gun,

His freezer is full of venison and cherries,

Blue, and black and red raspberries,

And ten cases Ding Dongs, that he'll be sharing with his hun.

DEER CAMP AND TOWNIES

At deer camp, we eat our spaghetti and chili dinners,

Then off to the local bar, and we party like sinners,

First we eat Bob's good brownies,

For strength to brawl with townies,

We never get any deer, but in our minds we're big winners.

THE WOLF HAD A BONE TO CHEW, AT DEER CAMP

I drove way up north to our deer camp, and it was most insane,

My friends all went to a secret deer camp, via an aeroplane,

I sat by the fire, alone,

Here comes a wolf, chewing a bone,

He said the place to get a deer, is the tracks, where runs the train.

GRANDPA, HIS RUG, AND MAY GRANDMA RIP

My grandpa once shot a big butt bear,

Gramps made a rug out of the bear hair,

He made a throw for the bed,

Even a wig for his head,

That gave grandma a heart attack scare.

I BOUGHT PROPERTY TO HUNT ON

I signed a purchase agreement, and bought a tiny, country lot,

All it has for a bathroom is a deer blind, and a two quart pot,

There is no place to sleep,

Except under the stars, or in my jeep,

I did find a roadkill deer, I'd eat it, but it's got some rot.