KNOWING WHEN FAMILY LOVES A MEAL

On the way home from my work, I bought taters, five pounds,

I like my fried taters, and share them with my four hounds,

They love fried potaters,

More than fried tomaters,

I know they love a meal, by their burp and farting sounds.

SANTA ATE MY EDIBLE PET

I bought a fat goose and I named him Christmas, so now he is our Christmas goose,

Each morning I kick him out of the kid's bed, and in the backyard, he runs loose,

Christmas tried to run away,

By hiding in Santa's sleigh,

Santa took Christmas to the North Pole, and roasted Christmas in candy cane juice.

MEAT AFFORDABILITY.

I went to buy some fresh, lean beef, but the price was just too high,

I went to buy some deli ham, but the pig price made me cry.

I wanted to buy some fresh fish,

The high price belated my wish,

I tried to buy some turkey, but my credit card said "DENY".  

SANTA AND THE FRIED FROG LEG CHRISTMAS

Santa likes his fresh sugar cookies, but Santa loves his eggnog, 

The one thing Santa loves much better, is a fried leg, off a frog,

Some people always scoff,

To take a frog leg off,

Mrs. Claus cuts off the frog legs, then throws the bodies to the dog.

FOOD WOULD TASTE BETTER IF I MADE MORE MONEY

My steak is all gristle, and my lollipop, quite stale,

After eating these nasty treats, I went puke in pail,

The poor food choices I take,

Based on the wages, I make,

If rich; I'd settle my belly with a pint of ale.

I MOUTHED OFF AT A SANDWICH AND POP SHOP

I went downtown for a sandwich and cold pop,

It was gonna be just a one place, one stop,

The bathrooms, they stunk,

Like a roadkill skunk,

I complained to the owner, he called a cop.

ON FRIDAY, ROTTEN FISH FILLS THE MORGUE

I went to a fast food place, for a fish between buns with a pop and fries,

I hung out there on Fridays to be with the local gals and local guys,

But, the fish had a awkward smell,

The stinky, should've been a tell,

We we're ghosted that day, seems when you eat stinky fish, everyone dies.

BAD ROBOT AND THE BANANAS

A robot stole my packed, full grocery cart; it was full of bananas,

I was taking them to the nursing home, to feed the grandpas and nanas,

For the bananas, I had paid,

Cannot buy more, without some aid,

You just cannot go anywhere; robots have all turned into piranhas.

I EAT NO PEACHES

I was hungry for peaches, so I went to the grocery store,

The store didn't have any peaches, because they were needed for war,

I did not know what that meant,

I gave the manager, my vent,

My big vent made me very tired, so I went home for a snore.

THE RESTRICTED PENNY

I am an 80 year old beggar, and I live on the street,

People throw me a penny, and tell me, just spend it to eat,

I give them a big, giant grin,

Tell them, I'm spending it on sin,

Watching their persnickety reactions, is one joyful, great treat.

MY CHICKEN AND THE TWO LITTLE EGGS

My chicken laid two little eggs that I fried up with some ham,

The kids did not like breakfast; they wanted bacon flavored Spam,

They had cereal with sugar,

The youngest one, picked a booger,

I ate the eggs and ham, with toast dripping with blackberry jam.

CAREER DEATH OF A FOOD BLOGGER

There was a constant blogger, who blogged about preparing his every meal,

He thought if he blogged his meal details, he'd receive lots of click-bait appeal,

That blogger wasn't bright,

But he was very right,

His Meal Blog made him popular, until the day he cooked that baby seal.

I AM BOSS CHEF

I made me some spaghetti and dumped in a can of sauce,

Into this mixture, my special meatballs, I gave a toss,

It tasted so good,

The best in my hood,

My brilliant cooking, shows that in the kitchen, I am boss.

FAILED GARDENER, FAMILY REJECT

J went outside to hoe my garden, but everything was dead,

Somehow it had turned to fall, but it was spring inside my head,

Where did the spring and summer go?

Did something change in my time flow?

I fear my family will leave me; I've no food to keep them fed.

THE WARM FEELING OF MYSTERY MEAT

I go down to the Butcher's and buy "mystery meat",

They won't tell me what it is, but its real cheap to eat,

You can taste the hot pepper spice,

Burns tongue and belly, so burns twice,

It's high in calories, warming nose and hands and feet. 

DATES: A NATURAL PERFORMANCE ENHANCING FOOD, FOR POGO STICKING

 Big Hank, he be nimble on the competitive pogo stick,

Hank's massive body will pogo down hard, then bounces up quick,

Hank fuels up with dried, dates,

Sticky dates on porcelain plates,

Hank will pogo all day long, while his sticky fingers, he'll lick.

GROCERY DIRECT

 My groceries were delivered, direct from the big store,

Some pops were broken open, and that made me really sore,

The pop soaked my cheddar cheese,

That brought me to my bare knees,

And, the pop soaked into my breads, now my breads are no more.

FISHING IN THE NOW AND CLEANING DIRTY HANDS

My bucket is full of minnows, and my can is full of worms,

My lunchbox is full of candy; my hands are covered with germs,

I am fishing in my boat,

Eating candy while afloat,

I wash my hands off in the lake; they are clean, my eye confirms.

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FAT CALORIES ARE BETTER THAN NO CALORIES

 I went to the grocery store, hoped to buy a giant can of beans,

I've got 15, very heavy kids to feed, and 9 of them are teens,

I was ready to load my van,

But, the store only had one can,

I fried the beans in chicken fat; the kids will have to live within means..

THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,

In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,

We were all warm and cozy,

While the outside got snowzy,

Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.

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