MY SISTER HUNTS FOR OUR HOLIDAY FEAST

Christmas is coming, instead of goose, we are going to eat rat,

My sister has a BB gun, and she knows where the rats are at,

By day, they're under the floor,

They are sleeping; hear them snore?

At night the rats go where they want, since they frightened away the cat.

RAVE OVER THE GRAVE: MY NEPHEW IS A GHOUL

I wish my teenage nephew would quit his bad habit, and go to high school,

Instead, he digs up body parts in cemeteries, because he's a ghoul,

He and his friends love every grave,

Every Friday,  they party, rave,

When I was young, I avoided graveyards, because they were not very cool.

I CAN'T TALK TO STRANGE PEOPLE ONLINE, ANYMORE

I was forced off of social media, because I am too young,

I'm afraid to play outside, because on my swing I might get hung,

I might be attacked by bats,

Or eaten by some cougar cats,

All the strangers I meet online, are people I feel safe, among.

COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, PUSSY CAT

Christmas is coming, I cannot find my pussy cat,

I fear she was scared away by a wretched, fruit bat,

I know she will come on back,

When she misses my old shack,

And, misses the caned tuna, she shares with her friend, Rat.

ONE HOLIDAY (TURKEY AND HAM, THEN WE ALL SCRAM)

My family, does Christmas and Thanksgiving, all in one day,

We get the sentiment stuff all over, so we can go play,

Most like to go ski,

But, that's not for me,

I like riding on my Ski-Doo, unless a tree's in the way.

BUBBA GOT SPELLED

Big Bubba lives down by the foaming sea,

He is a nephew to my bro and me,

Bubba loves beer and chicken,

His girlfriend is Wiccan,

She spelled him, now he only drinks tea.but

CHRISTMAS PAST, REMEMBERED BY A MAN

I liked to feed all the little squirrels shelled peanuts, all winter long,

I got my kids a cool Christmas present, a video game, called Pong,

I would've lounged around with the old wife,

But she was always busy with a sharp knife,

It's  Christmas in '79, when the world was not quite, so wrong.

HOW TO BUY LOTS OF CHRISTMAS CANDY, CHEAP!

I shop for my Christmas candy, when I go to rummage and yard sales,

I only buy the real quality stuff, not sucked on by bugs or snails.

I do not worry about germs,

And, ignore the tiny worms,

Candy is so high in stores, but for less than a dollar, I buy pails.

SHACKING UP FOR THE WINTER, OR FAMILY TIES IN THE RURALS

I bought a shack down in the holler,

I moved in and spread out my squalor,

I decided to let in,

The rest of my kith and kin,

Some cousins must wear a dog collar.

CAT VILLAIN

My grey cat is a villain, a villain is he,

He shredded my curtains, and dropped pee in my tea,

Teasing my pretty koi, 

Brings my cat villain joy,

I wouldn't keep the cat, but for my kid, Little Lee.

THEY DON'T HATCH OUT ALL GROWNUP

I inherited a dinosaur egg; it was really old,

The old egg has been in my family, since a time untold,

Yesterday, a saur popped out,

The kids and spouse all gave a shout,

They named the dino Spanky, because he acted two years old.

I SHOWED UNCLE JOE, THE DOE I GOT WITH MY BOW

I went to the cemetery to visit Uncle Joe,

His tiny headstone was all covered with new fallen snow,

Both of my hands were gloved,

One gave the snow a shove,

I showed Joe a pic of my big deer, no points, its a doe.

BIG BUCK, SON OF THE DEER HUNTER

In my previous life, I was a big, buck deer,

I would run through the big, spruce forest, full of fear,

A hunter shot me,

And, food I did be,

Now, I'm the Hunter's son, and deer season is near.

MY CHICKEN AND THE TWO LITTLE EGGS

My chicken laid two little eggs that I fried up with some ham,

The kids did not like breakfast; they wanted bacon flavored Spam,

They had cereal with sugar,

The youngest one, picked a booger,

I ate the eggs and ham, with toast dripping with blackberry jam.

I TENT AND HAVE NEVER CAVED

I was told that in debates, I consistently cave,

That opinion came from my hero, big Brother Dave,

But, no cave have I been,

I do tent, now and then,

Ben said I should use the brain cells, that nature had gave.

SAFE, AFFORDABLE HOUSING WITH MA AND BERT

I build myself a small, livable yurt,

Along comes a wind, I sleep on just dirt,

My yurt blows far away,

It sinks out in the bay,

I move home with mom, and stepdad named, Bert.

I USE TO VISIT SIDNEY, AT THE DOLLAR STORE IN MICHIGAN-MID

I use to go to a dollar store, when I was a little kid,

I had a much older brother who worked there, he was named, Sid,

Sid was married to Raydean,

They had kids, Bill and Maureen,

They all lived in a  tent in a park, and that is what they did.

THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY DINNER AND PUKE

We have Thanksgiving, before we can celebrate our annual Ho Ho, Ho!

Then we meet and  eat ma's half frozen turkey, until our guts feel woe, woe, woe!

The Thanksgiving belly ache,

When we vomit pie and cake,

Ma's turkey is always so darn raw, but she says, we should chew real slow, slow, slow!

GRANDMA'S GOOD GRUB

Trina had a hunger urge, so she went to Lucky Street,

Trina wanted to buy some sweet candy, and dead, red meat,

The candy was old and stale,

The only meat, a pig tail,

So, Trina went on to Grandma's, who had good grub to eat.

I WALKED 6-7 MILES TO SEE MY COUSIN AND AUNT CORA

I walked 6-7 miles to visit with my dear, Aunt Cora,

She slapped some stakes upon the grill for me and her cute daughter, Dora,

Our picnic on the deck,

Became a rainy wreck,

6-7 hours passed, then the rain quit watering the flora.