I RIDE BEAR

I went into the woods, and saddled a wild bear,

I rode him into town, and tied him up in the square,

At the store, while I was inside,

A guy tried stealing my ride,

The bear ate the guys body, methinks that was just, fair.

AFTER LOSING MY ELECTION, I'M IN THE DOGHOUSE

I lost the house election, now I must leave my home to go sleep,

I was accused of teasing the new dog; I got labeled, a creep,

The 5 kids named me, Daniel

I am a Cocker Spaniel,

All of the kids voted me out to the doghouse, where I will weep.

THE PUKE THAT PUT ME IN JAIL

I washed down a crusty, dry doughnut, with a soda pop,

I started to puke, and was observed, by a passing cop,

The cop took me to jail,

Where I puked in a pail,

My bro, Mike bailed me out, and I went to his crib, to flop.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL NEED A BEAVER GUN

I went out canoeing this morning, and ran into a big, beaver damn,

The beaver saw me and started hissing, I saw him, and thought, Easter ham,

I did not have my beaver gun,

So I wrestled him, just for fun,

Now, I'm in his lair, feeding his babies, and missing my fiance, Pam.

WHEN I ASKED THE JUDGE FOR BAIL

When I asked the judge for bail, the judge said he would deny,

He said I could not defend, the bad things that I did try,

I did have a witness to depose,

But, no deposing the mean judge chose,

Now it's off to the electric chair, where my brains will fry.

LEAVING TOWN

In my public hanging, I was gallows, displayed,

Fortuitous, I had a knife with a sharp blade,

With death, I could not coupe,

So, I cut my neck rope,

I rode out of town, leading a soldier's parade.