ME AND THE ANGELS SING

When I fell out my window; I slapped the pavement, and knew I was doomed,

I bled out on the meat wagon, and at a fairly young age, entombed,

My bod did not hurt very long,

Before hearing the Angel's song,

I guess all my pain and suffering, was how for the high choir, I was groomed.

Date:  33026

DOWN LOW PRICING HOPE, AND WEAK KNEES

The price of groceries has brought me down on my weak knees,

I just bought two slices of bread, and a thin slice of cheese,

I was charged 200 bucks,

I paid it with cash, oh shucks,

I've gone down low, hoping the higher prices would soon ease.

INFLUENCER LOOKSMAXXING, TRENDING WORLDWIDE

Larry has been busy with looksmaxxing for the past twenty-four weeks,

Larry wants to be much better looking, that's the career path he seeks,

Larry is a model and an actor,

An influencer, a social factor,

Larry's lifestyle is financed by billionaires; most are techno geeks.

UNCLE LEE ON SATURDAY NIGHT

It's a Saturday night out for my old Uncle Lee,

He can kick up his heels, for a small price, nearly free,

There's  cards, darts, bingo and bowling,

Romance: there's vacant lot trolling,

Many find their true love, under the hazel nut tree.

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CHAMOMILE TEA GOES TO HEAVEN, AND NASTY ALE DOES NOT

The ships set sail, full of chamomile, 

There were six, or maybe seven,

The ships set sail, transporting chamomile,

To the ports that receive for heaven.

A ship set sail, full of skunky ale, 

There was just one, called The Beulah Bell,

Beulah Bell set sail, full of tainted ale,

To be delivered where demons dwell.

QUANTUM TUNNELING SAVED MY MARRIAGE

I've been quantum tunneling all of my married life,

It has made for an ideal marriage with my dear, wife,

When the wife enters a room,

Through the wall I quickly zoom,

No contact is the best way to eliminate strife.

SALAD FORKS DON'T HELP PASS GAS

Food prices have gotten really high, so I bought a clearance piece of pork,

It was very slimy and stunk, but when cooked it had the texture of cork,

The result was so very unfair,

My belly bloated with painful air,

I got so bloated from the pork, I let the air out with a salad fork.

TOOTS, FOOTS, LEAVES AND ROOTS: AN ALIEN STORY

There was an alien from Saturn, with a real name of Toots,

She lacked having two, human legs, so they bar nicknamed her foots,

Foots was a fine bar hoping star,

She was different, looked bazaar,

One day, Toots went pee in a park, then sprouted leaves, and dropped roots.

THE LIFE OF A QUANTUM TUNNELER

We are going quantum tunneling, quantum tunneling we will go,

We will move instantly through a wall; how we do it? I do not know,

We quantum tunnel everyday,

Easy work, with executive pay,

Dangerous work, but love the doe; I and friends, Larry, Curly and Moe.

I CAN'T GET ANY HELIUM FOR MY SICK GRANDMA

I cannot get any helium, to put in my big, beautiful balloon,

If I can't find some helium, I am going to be unhappy, soon,

I went to the party, balloon store,

They don't sell helium, anymore,

I need to fill a "Get Well" balloon, to take over to my Grandma Boone.

THE TRINA AT THE MALL POEM

Trina and her mom went to visit Tina's daddy, at the old city mall,

Tina's big daddy worked part-time on weekends,  as a mall cop; his name was Paul,

They shared a lunch, soda pop and fries

They said their "see you later", goodbyes,

Trina's daddy does not come home anymore, because mom caught him in some lies.

MY PANSY IS A WORKING GIRL, AT A HOTDOG STAND IN THE PARK

I shaved and dressed up to visit my dear, girl Pansy, in the park,

Pansy works there at a small hotdog stand, long hours, and after dark,

She'll make your hotdog any way you want,

If you don't like her buns, she has a croissant,

Sometimes, I don't order, and walk away, when I see her husband, Mark.

BURGUNDY BLUE RETURNS

It was the return to the city of Burgundy Blue

She was a singer, and dancer and great puppeteer, too.

She knew just how to entertain,

The Genius mind and the half brain,

She would bring down the complete house, in an hour or two.

I'M AN EOW PREPPER.

I'm preparing for the end of the world, nosey ones say,

I've got ninety-five jars of peanut butter, all put away,

I've got a thousand jars of jelly,

Because it fattens a starved belly,

I have a million cans of soda, to clear my throat each day.

IN A SNOW BANK

I slept inside a snowbank, because it is so cold,

It's a hard thing to do, when you're 100 years old,

My increased mortgage, I couldn't pay,

The bank took my small home away,

This may change my future plans, at least how they unfold.

MY DONKEY RAN OFF TO A WARMER CLIMATE

There was a terrible snow blizzard, and my donkey ran far away,

I lost him in the blowing snow, he's in South America, some say,

My donkey was my transport to the village store,

Without him, I can't get groceries, anymore,

My stomach, in one place it won't stay, since I've been eating donkey hay.

HENRY WAS MY DEMON FRIEND

Henry was a little demon; a little demon Henry was,

He always got his hair cut in a fun style, he called a "buzz",

Henry baked a nice pudding cake,

He took it to my cousin's wake,

I asked Henry why he  baked a cake, Henry replied, "just because".

TRINA AND THE PLAYGROUND RECKONING POEM

Trina's shoes are made of itchy plastics, and her clothes are made of plastics too,

Trina is allergic to all plastics, so she scratches all the time, boo hoo!

Trina can't play on the jungle gym,

She's been banned by a bully, named Tim, 

Trina sat and scratched, while on a swing,

Waiting for the recess bell to go, "ring",

Trina, finally had enough, and lost her cool,

She gave Tim a push, and she was banned from the school.

VAMPIRE ON THE BEACH

The vampire was in his coffin, and it was sitting by the great sea,

The coffin was hidden by some bushes, and guarded by a bumblebee,

When darkness came about,

The vampire came out,

Midnight swimmers every night, met the vampire, and eternity.

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his trees spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.

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