I WENT INTO THE WOODS HUNTING FOR BEARS

I went into the woods hunting for bear,
But, a Bigfoot had already been there,
He ate all the bears,
Except, for some hairs,
And then, those hairs were no more than two pair.

13122

AIR TRAVEL IS EASY, IF YOU KNOW THE RIGHT TUNES

I went to the airport and got stopped by some goons,

They wouldn't let me pass, unless I sang them some tunes,

I knew I could not go wrong,

Singing a lullaby song,

The goons fell asleep; I bet they dream in cartoons.

BUTCHER THE BEAGLE LIKED TO EAT FLIES

Butcher the beagle liked to eat flies,
High in protein; those crunchy meat pies,
Once he chomped down on a bee,
Which made Butcher see,
When eating he should open his eyes.

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I WENT TO A SPACE STATION

I went to a space station to get some good rest,
But, they ran out of peanut butter, so I had to protest,
Then, they ran out of spaghetti,
That made me one angry yeti,
So, out the airlock they sent me as a pest.

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THE QUEEN'S BISHOP, ROOK

I am so mad at my neighbor for stealing my bestest, favorite book,

It is about a queen cheating on the king, with the handsome bishop, and rook,

The book ends really, really bad,

The queen's exed by an ax, so sad, 

The bishop and rook become fisherman eunuchs, drowning worms on a hook.

TOBOGGAN RIDE, WHEN BUDDIES CRY

My bestest buddy and I went for a toboggan, downhill ride,

I could feel right away, the cold, crispy air, singe my facial hide,

We went really fast,

The ride did not last,

We missed a tree, but the toboggan flipped over; it hurt, we cried.

THE DANGER OF WINTER KITING

February kiting is quite the odd sight to see,

People pretending spring is here, and we are snow free,

The fancy kites fly way high,

In the cold, windy, blue sky,

Kiters may get a frozen nose, of those, some might die.

ALICE NEVER LIVED HERE BEFORE; SHE TENT-MATES WITH MY EX IN TEXAS

My ex-girlfriend moved back to Texas, to a big city called Dallas,

She worked making greasy fries, at a grub bar called, Beer And Slop, By Alice,

Alice was a big, strapping boss,

Mouthy guests, through the door, she'd toss,

My ex rented a tent with her boss, that from pictures, looked like a palace.

BACKSEAT BABY DELIVERY ON WHEELS

My sister had a baby in the back of a self-driving, rental car,

I am telling you right now, this story you will find, is really bizarre,

Sis and baby boy are fine,

But, my sister did a whine,

She was charged by the car rental company, at delivery room par.

TOILET FLOWERS

My outdoor toilet was all full of flowers,
They grew well after all the rain showers,
They were such a bouquet,
I just let them stay,

My toilet is artwork that towers.

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KING BENNY AND THE SCURVY DISEASE LIMERICK

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased,

Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased,

His servants offered him fruits,

He threw at them his boots,

Now he feels bad because he is well teased.

42822

TRICK FOR TREATS LIMERICK

On Halloween I'll trick for treats,

            I'll fill my bag all up with sweets,

When I've finished my roam,

I'll head for home,

And, settle down with all my eats. 

102322 

I DRANK CHAMOMILE TEA AND GOT A BELLY ACHE

I was fluttering around like a dizzy, busy bee,

Then I fell into a glass cup of hot chamomile tea,

I started to cook and drown,

But, as I was sinking down,

Two fingers pinched and pulled me out, then squished the guts from me.

THE WARM FEELING OF MYSTERY MEAT

I go down to the Butcher's and buy "mystery meat",

They won't tell me what it is, but its real cheap to eat,

You can taste the hot pepper spice,

Burns tongue and belly, so burns twice,

It's high in calories, warming nose and hands and feet. 

TOM ATE HONEY UNTIL HE SMELLED LIKE A BEE

Tom ate honey until he smelled like a bee,
Which attracted the bears from every county,
Tom feared a bad beaten,
But instead, he was eaten,
By a bear who had just ate a Mountie.

81422

COLLEGE DEBT LIMERICK II

Jimmy thought education was king, 
He was sure great riches it'd bring,
But, after eight years of college,
And vast quantities of knowledge,
His pockets are empty of bling.

7314

HAMELET THE DIPSY DIVER SWIMS FAST

Hamlet was a shy dipsy diver bug,
He'd dive if he caught a glimpse of your mug,
He'd swim ten foot away,
Before you could say,
"He must use a performance enhancing drug."

5117

SOMEONE ATE MY CHICKENS LIMERICK

Someone ate all of my chickens last night,
The only trace found were feathers, all white,
It must be the bear,
He left his tracks there,
And, he gave my truck tires a bite.  

71823

FARE THEE WELL MY PUMPKIN PATCH

Fare thee well my Pumpkin Patch,

May you  grow pumpkins that I might hatch,

So that I might take the seeds,

For on such yields my family feeds,

And, some seeds to sow next season's batch. 

102222

SAGA OF THE NINETY-NINE MINNOWS

Ninety-nine minnows swam way out to sea,
Then along came a shark, and then there were three,
Out of those ninety-nine minnows, three swam back toward the shore,
Then, along came a bass, and he ate one more,
The last two little minnows decided to date,
They made ninety-nine minnows, and I caught them for

 bait. 

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