BACKSEAT BABY DELIVERY ON WHEELS

My sister had a baby in the back of a self-driving, rental car,

I am telling you right now, this story you will find, is really bizarre,

Sis and baby boy are fine,

But, my sister did a whine,

She was charged by the car rental company, at delivery room par.

THE SEARCH FOR THE FOREST THROUGH THE TREES

I walked through the trees to find the forest, but not one forest was ever found,

All I found were leaves, stumps, logs, and trees upon more trees, and lumpy, squishy ground,

I did lose my way,

Was lost for a day,

Next time I look for the forest through the trees, I'll bring along my hunting hound.

TOILET FLOWERS

My outdoor toilet was all full of flowers,
They grew well after all the rain showers,
They were such a bouquet,
I just let them stay,

My toilet is artwork that towers.

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KING BENNY AND THE SCURVY DISEASE LIMERICK

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased,

Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased,

His servants offered him fruits,

He threw at them his boots,

Now he feels bad because he is well teased.

42822

TRICK FOR TREATS LIMERICK

On Halloween I'll trick for treats,

            I'll fill my bag all up with sweets,

When I've finished my roam,

I'll head for home,

And, settle down with all my eats. 

102322 

I DRANK CHAMOMILE TEA AND GOT A BELLY ACHE

I was fluttering around like a dizzy, busy bee,

Then I fell into a glass cup of hot chamomile tea,

I started to cook and drown,

But, as I was sinking down,

Two fingers pinched and pulled me out, then squished the guts from me.

THE WARM FEELING OF MYSTERY MEAT

I go down to the Butcher's and buy "mystery meat",

They won't tell me what it is, but its real cheap to eat,

You can taste the hot pepper spice,

Burns tongue and belly, so burns twice,

It's high in calories, warming nose and hands and feet. 

TOM ATE HONEY UNTIL HE SMELLED LIKE A BEE

Tom ate honey until he smelled like a bee,
Which attracted the bears from every county,
Tom feared a bad beaten,
But instead, he was eaten,
By a bear who had just ate a Mountie.

81422

COLLEGE DEBT LIMERICK II

Jimmy thought education was king, 
He was sure great riches it'd bring,
But, after eight years of college,
And vast quantities of knowledge,
His pockets are empty of bling.

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HAMELET THE DIPSY DIVER SWIMS FAST

Hamlet was a shy dipsy diver bug,
He'd dive if he caught a glimpse of your mug,
He'd swim ten foot away,
Before you could say,
"He must use a performance enhancing drug."

5117

SOMEONE ATE MY CHICKENS LIMERICK

Someone ate all of my chickens last night,
The only trace found were feathers, all white,
It must be the bear,
He left his tracks there,
And, he gave my truck tires a bite.  

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FARE THEE WELL MY PUMPKIN PATCH

Fare thee well my Pumpkin Patch,

May you  grow pumpkins that I might hatch,

So that I might take the seeds,

For on such yields my family feeds,

And, some seeds to sow next season's batch. 

102222

SAGA OF THE NINETY-NINE MINNOWS

Ninety-nine minnows swam way out to sea,
Then along came a shark, and then there were three,
Out of those ninety-nine minnows, three swam back toward the shore,
Then, along came a bass, and he ate one more,
The last two little minnows decided to date,
They made ninety-nine minnows, and I caught them for

 bait. 

111223

CANNED FROM THE BAND

I was marching down the road in a band,

When the wind blew and I was covered with sand,

It plugged the hole in my trombone,

Which gave me a crazy tone,

Hence, the band director said, I was canned.

52322

BROTHER BRAT

My trumpet notes are really flat,

Since my brother beat it with a bat,

He beat my oboe on the floor,

And slammed my trombone in ma's truck door,

My big brother is a bully brat.

P08302023

MY DRIP COFFEE MAKER DRIPS NO MORE

My drip coffee maker drips no more,
It's a Holiday so I can't get to a store,
The world is looking fuzzy,
Without my coffee buzzy,
I think I will pass out and fall on the floor.

9423

 

JIMBO'S CHICKEN COOP FIRE

When Jimbo's chicken coop caught fire,

The chickens escaped over the chicken wire,

But, they didn't get anywhere,

They were all ate by a bear,

Now, Jimbo's chicken farm's future is dire.

4222

COOP

THE CORN ROAST LIMERICK

Moose Gillies would brag and would boast,
About his annual summer corn roast,
But, this year he got bent,
When in the fire the corn went,
And, was burnt blacker than his wife's turkey breast roast.  

61921

I VISITED MY NEIGHBORS DOWNSTAIRS

There was a clog in my kitchen sink drain,
While under my sink the pipes leaked stinky rain,
Then, my floorboards got soft,
And, I plunged down from my loft,
To visit neighbors, who asked me to explain.

72823

THE BALLAD OF BENNY MUNDANE

Benny woke up this morning, and noticed a bump on his dome,

He figured he banged his head during his late night, bathroom roam,

Benny sat in a wobbly, kitchen chair,

Benny noticed his table, was food bare,

Benny took a scalding, hot shower, drank a beer, and stayed home.