DILLY AND DOUG, THE EXTERMINATOR GUYS

Everywhere I looked in my house, I found a big bug,

I called in the bug exterminators, Dilly & Doug,

They covered my house with a plastic dome,

They filled the dome with poisons, gas and foam,

Then they drained off the poison, and deep cleaned my carpet rug.

COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, PUSSY CAT

Christmas is coming, I cannot find my pussy cat,

I fear she was scared away by a wretched, fruit bat,

I know she will come on back,

When she misses my old shack,

And, misses the caned tuna, she shares with her friend, Rat.

THE BAT ENTANGLEMENT THEORY.

I am the that little bat that hides behind your bedroom closet door,

I come out at night, and play in your pretty hair, when you start to snore,

Playing in hair is lots of good fun,

Of course, I'm gone by the rising sun,

Sometimes, I bite and scratch the scalp a little, that's why your scalp is sore.

ATTACK OF THE SNOUT FLIES

It got so warm in my little cabin, the flies hatched out,

They were buzzing all around, and buzz singing all about,

I whacked them with the fly swatter,

When they pooped in my tea potter,

Several big flies attacked me, by flying up my snout.

MOTH MAN VAMPIRES BITE

I always felt the biggest danger from the moths,12

Was their desire to consume many of my cloths,12

It seems moths have blood desires,8

Months are ravenous vampires,8

We will now provide moths with foamy, red, blood broths.

INFESTATION: SHARP TEETH IN BED

The bedbugs teeth are sharp, and real long,

And, Denny rolled upon the bugs, wrong,

The mad teeth bit in,

Broke wide, Denny's skin,

The Denny Dirge is our local song.

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THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,

In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,

We were all warm and cozy,

While the outside got snowzy,

Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.

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EMPLOYEE ZERO

Last night, I left my clothes on the bedroom floor, and they loaded up with bugs,

This morning, I spread the bugs to the family, when I gave each one hugs,

I wore my floor clothes to work,

Shook hands with the big boss, Kirk,

Soon, Boss Kirk, itched and scratched, and ripped off his toupee, for Kirk always wore rugs.

SWATER HOUSE DIVE

They enter unseen, into my small, dark dump, to die,

I am talking about the vicious, common house fly,

I let fly paper hang,

My fly zapper, goes bang,

I love to swat them flat, then leave the fly guts to dry.

NO PAIN, NO STRAWBERRY GAIN

There was a big, silly gopher, named Terry,

He could not pass any red, ripe strawberry,

Terry would take a bite,

Which gave Terry delight,

But, being shot at by rock salt, was scary.

INFESTATION 2025

There were spider mites on his roses, and ants in his peonies,

There were squirming worms in his cabbage, and his cat and dog had fleas,

And, cockroaches in the house,

Tiny, red beetles, on his spouse,

There was even a touch of mange, on daughter Trina's big, pet bees..

IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND WEEVIL

The weevil in my veggie garden, is eating off the leaves,

He eats the fleshy greens, and across the many plants, he weaves,

He's fast at work,

That little jerk,

He thinks he is really smart, because he knows it's me, he peeves.

OH DEAR, OH DEAR: BUG SUCKERS ARE HERE

There were thousands of itzy, itzy, bitzy, bitzy, bugs,

Under my pinky toenails, giving me blood sucking hugs,

I might not be very bright,

But when my skin turned snow white,

I went outback with a shovel, and my gravesite I dugs.

HOW DID THE POISONOUS CHRISTMAS BEETLE INFEST HOMES.

There was a little Christmas beetle, that climbed down from my Christmas tree,

The Christmas beetle was so cute and cuddly, that I just let him be,

I worried the beetle had rabies,

But I didn't expect all the babies,

By the time the next springtime came, beetles filled my house up like a sea. 

FEAST AROUND AND FIND OUT: THE IVY FUR BOOT STORY

I had beautiful ivy plants, growing by my old barn, 

I found my Ivy plants dead, one day, and I said, "oh, darn",  

Two groundhogs ate the tender roots,

Hogs feel good, in my fur lined boots,

Now I won't need to knit new socks, so I'll return the yarn. 

ICONIC WHISKERS

I had summer sausage for my dinny, din, din,

Much greased dripped down onto my fat chinny, chin chin,

Mixing with pieces of cheese,

It drew mice, rats and sand fleas,

I cleansed myself in a poisoned binny, bin, bin.

DAY OF THE FARM

After the farm hay, I put away,🚜🌄

An October rainbow made my day,🌈

I picked my pumpkin patch,🎃

It was a record batch,💲

Some bugs ate my beans, I'll make them pay.🐛🐜😡

THE POTATO SUPER EIGHT

There were once eight garden heroes, called The Potato Super Eight,

They protected the vegetable garden, and they were first rate,

They chased off the worms and bugs,

The raccoons, gophers and slugs,

They were eight handsome, perfect spuds, all the green beans wanted to date.

NEIGHBORS CAME TO DINNER

My pot of stew fell off the counter, and spread all sloppy across the floor,

Then an invading army of cockroaches, came in under the front door,

Sweep, Sweep, zoom, zoom,

I used the broom,

I could not stop the cockroaches, because they kept on coming, more, more, more.

I'M A SCHOLAR WITH A DOLLAR AND BUGS

I felt rich when I found in my wallet, a dollar,

I felt smart when I read me a book, a scholar,

I still felt so defeated,

When everyone tweeted,

That like a dog, I needed an tick and flea collar.