I STAND STRAIGHT UP, BUT DIZZY

I grow red potatoes on the side of a steep hill,

Most people can't quite stand up straight, but I have that skill,

I go hoe, hoe, hoe, hoe,

Then my potatoes grow,

Sometimes I get dizzy, until I take my heart pill.

COMPOST PILE FIRES HAVE CONSEQUENCES

My compost pile caught fire and burned down my garden shack,
Now when I'm done working I have no place to put tools back,
So, my tools lay in the yard,
Getting rusty, crusty hard.
And, I cannot replace them because the finances I lack.

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FLOWER GARDEN OR LAWN?

My tiny, sick  panzy would not grow,

My little, white lillies, they grow slow,

My roses are all dead,

Both the pink and the red,

If things don't turn around soon, I'll mow.

NO PAIN, NO STRAWBERRY GAIN

There was a big, silly gopher, named Terry,

He could not pass any red, ripe strawberry,

Terry would take a bite,

Which gave Terry delight,

But, being shot at by rock salt, was scary.

INFESTATION 2025

There were spider mites on his roses, and ants in his peonies,

There were squirming worms in his cabbage, and his cat and dog had fleas,

And, cockroaches in the house,

Tiny, red beetles, on his spouse,

There was even a touch of mange, on daughter Trina's big, pet bees..

HARD TIMES AND TURNIPS

I knew my finances were in trouble, when  I couldn't afford turnips, at the store,

When I can't afford to buy turnips, I know that I've become the poorest of poor,

So, I spade a piece of ground,

Planted turnip seeds, ten pound,

I will have so many turnips to hoard, my greedy, jealous neighbors, will make war.

IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND WEEVIL

The weevil in my veggie garden, is eating off the leaves,

He eats the fleshy greens, and across the many plants, he weaves,

He's fast at work,

That little jerk,

He thinks he is really smart, because he knows it's me, he peeves.

RASPBERRIES IN HEAVEN

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine,

Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine,

They stuck me so deep,

They bled me to sleep,

I now pick berries with the angels, divine. 

THE POTATO SUPER EIGHT

There were once eight garden heroes, called The Potato Super Eight,

They protected the vegetable garden, and they were first rate,

They chased off the worms and bugs,

The raccoons, gophers and slugs,

They were eight handsome, perfect spuds, all the green beans wanted to date.

THE WRINKLED CARROT IN A JAR

Today I found a wrinkled carrot, sealed tight in a glass mason jar,

It got really dry and spongy, sitting in the backseat of my car,

Where did that dried carrot grow?

In my garden, I think so,

I'll use it as a conversation piece, on display in my wet bar.

MY FLOWER GARDEN SONG

My arbutus looks so very pretty,

Sitting in my garden in mid-city,

Then there is my daisy,

All flopped over crazy,

Then there is rose, my prickly old bitty.   

I DON'T GROW PLANTS TO FREEZE

I am hoping spring will get here real soon,

I've started seeds growing, to plant in June,

If it's too cold,

My plants, I'm told,

Will freeze to death, with the rising new moon.

I FOUND A NICKEL, WHEN I PLANTED MY CHERRY

I bought a cute, little cherry tree, and put it in the ground,

I put a steak in beside it with a pound, pound, pound, pound, pound,

So the cherry tree would not break,

I tied it firmly to the stake,

My dig turned up something shinny, a new nickel I done found.

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I'M AN UNHAPPY PANSY MAN

I caught a rabbit in my trap,

He started to cry, and I'm a sap,

I let him go,

That so and so,

He ate my pansies, now I'm unhap

I GROW A GARDEN IN MY POTS AND PANS

My pots and pans are full of mold,

I should have washed them, I've been old,

But I need my veggies each day,

So I grow them my way,

I use the molds in my stew, and I never catch cold.

WE EAT WHAT DADDY GROWS IN THE GARDEN, NOT

Ben's peppers were an abnormal hot,

They made all his kids noses, run snot,

Kids would not eat them,

They stayed on the stem,

Until they became putrid with rot.

THE SHINY, PRETTY THING I KILLED

I observed a shinny, pretty flower,

I feared a big, ugly bug might devour,

So I got some bug spray,

And, I sprayed away,

The flower was dead, within an hour.

KNEE KNOCKERS, BB BALLS AND GNOMES

My statues have some limitations; they stand only 2 feet tall,

When I knock them over, they break, then they are not statues at all,

I don't mind breaking garden gnomes,

Not crazy for their chromosomes,

Then my nephew destroys all the rest, firing his BB ball.

MY FOOD IS COMPLICATED

My peppermint plant wilted and died,

It sat in the sun, I guess it's vitals got fried,

My cabbage got the worms, 

With that I've come to terms,

But, my rhubarb ran to the forest to hide.

MAROON COULD BE A COLOR, BUT IT IS DEFINITELY NOT A FRIEND

My garden potatoes were colored maroon,

No one would eat them, except Mr. Raccoon,

He ate them on a dare,

Then messed his underwear,

He sat on the toilet from noon until noon.