THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,

In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,

We were all warm and cozy,

While the outside got snowzy,

Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.

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THE SPACE LASAR GOT ME GOOD

There is this glowing space laser, some call it the sun,

It aims straight down on me, like some Martian ray gun,

It's not at all funny,

Getting zapped by the sunny

I feel cooked like a turkey, dry and crispy done.

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HENS AND CHICKS WATCH FIRE

I pick up many of the biggest, toughest sticks,

I pick up sticks under trees with bark hard like bricks,

Big hard sticks make big hot fire,

Heats cluck klan, that's our desire,

Clucking hens and chirping chicks, watch burn sticks for kicks. 

TEARS FROM THE TREES

I went to the old oak forest, with my big chainsaw in hand,

I was there to attack trees, because I don't like where they stand,

The trees all started crying,

Afraid they'd soon start dying,

I cut the trees down, and made firewood, that was what I planed.  

HEATING LEFTOVERS FOR SUPPER

I bought a dead, dried maple tree and chopped it all up,

So, I could have firewood to cook my late-night sup,

The firewood heated fast,

My beef stew, from the night, past,

I'll still have some left for tomorrow, about a cup.

COLD

It got so extremely cold, my collie dog could not make a bark,

It got so cold, my electric car battery, died in the dark,

My plastic, bottled tea,

Froze, and the tea burst free,

I laid down on my warm bed, and on my heating pad, I did park.

THE SAUSAGE WAS SO HOT, IT MADE SAMMY WAIL

Thursday, Sammy got his meat in the afternoon mail,

Hot pepperoni that turned Sammy's pimples all pale,

It burned while going down,

In his guts round and round,

At the end, the burn was so bad it made Sammy wail. 

ANOTHER HEATWAVE, HOLIDAY DISASTER

It was so hot out, Jim's coffee couldn't keep ice,

It was so hot out, it killed all Jim's head lice,

His girl, Sweet Polly Sue,

A plastic doll, we all knew,

Had melted, until she didn't look very nice.

CHRISTMAS IN JULY

It was getting so hot, it made me psycho in the mind,

So I pretended it was Christmas, so I could unwind,

I saw the sky drop snow,

I watched the layers grow,

Then suddenly I wondered, if my snow shovel I could find.

HEATWAVE 2023

It got so very hot, even my little pansies died,

The last live flowers in my garden, and I cried, and cried, 

Now only plastic flowers, I grow,

My lawn is astro turf; pretend to mow,

The only real plants I'll see again are ones that someone dried.

CROAK GOES THE WEASEL

I wish up in Canada, they'd stop the smoking,

So that people in Michigan, could stop choking,

It just ain't at all fair,

There's smoke clouds everywhere,

I saw a weasel gasp for air, I think he was croaking

THE TEMPERATURE IS TOO DARN HIGH

It was so hot the earth felt like a grill,

I was cooking and needed a chill,

My AC would not work,

Because of a utility clerk,

I was cut off because I couldn't pay my bill.

IT GOT SO HOT...

It became so very hot, my little house overheated,,

My air conditioner blew up, it was completely defeated,

I retreated to the tub,

In the water, I played sub,

Then the house exploded with fire, soon my walls were deleted.

WARNING! U-235 IS NOT FOR WOODSTOVES

I knew my old woodstove would need fuel, if I were to survive,

So I stole fuel from the nuke plant where I work, some uranium--235,

As I was getting very sick,

I threw it in my woodstove, quick

When my eyeballs both leaked out, I knew I was likely not alive.

FEBRUARY 1ST

It is February the very first,

It's cold, arse cold, maybe the worst,

No car ride to the town,

The darn car's broken down,

And the woodstove got too hot and burst.