IT'S SWATTER TIME

It is spring and it's getting hotter,

It is time to find my fly swatter,

Baby flies are coming out,

They will be chewing about,

And, pooping in my glass of water

THE HOLIDAY DINGERS AND SINGERS 2025

I went to hear a choir that had voices of bling,

The choir was ringing bells that sung, " ring, dingy, ding"

Each choir member had a bell,

And they each rang them really well,

They rang them so well, I couldn't tell the ding from the sing.

THE FATHER OF ALL PUMPKINS

The Father of All Pumpkins

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

The father of all pumpkins came into my store,

And said my pumpkin selection was awfully poor,

He said he didn't want to be mean,

But it was Halloween,

And the little witches and goblins want more.

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HALLOWEEN EGGS

 My teacher, the incredible, Mr. Bells,

Teaches hypnosis, conjuring and spells,

He turned me into a pheasant,

That was not very pleasant,

I laid chocolate eggs, filled with red jells.

A DIFFERENT DUMBER

It's a summer Saturday morn, and most of town is going rafting,

Except, I am going downtown to pick up supplies, for some crafting,

l have made my hobby picks,

Little bags of hobby sticks,

I'm gonna build a suspension bridge, which will take some time for drafting.

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SUMMERTIME

Sleeping bears and snoring raccoons,

Dream cool dreams, on hot afternoons,

Then a walrus stops by,

Bringing fish for a fry,

After beer and Boone's, they sing tunes.

NO ONE COULD SEE HIS SPEEDO

A hairy bear named Terry, wore his new, sparkling Speedo to the beach,

Nobody saw Terry's Speedo, because bear hair covered the Speedo breach,

Terry cried many tears, so sad,

Terry went home, and told his dad,

Terry's dad said bears can't wear cute human clothes; a lesson, hard to teach.

SUMMERTIME: KNOCKS, ROCKS AND LOCKS

I went to Suite Ste. Marie to play around the locks,

As ships pulled into the locks, I dropped on them small rocks,

The police came for me,

I struggled to be free,

But, they calmed my body down, with head locks and head knocks.

A COLD SPELL IN JULY

I went to the beach for sunbathing, but I started to cry,

We were having a big, beach snowstorm on the Fourth Of July,

I had an expensive sunscreen,

Made with something putrid and green,

With my snow covered raspberry, flip flops, I went home, bye, bye.

<3. 

THUNDER BUGS ARE COMING

When the sky is full of bright stars, but distant rumblings, make you wonder,

If soon the sky will be cloudy, save for flashing lightning, with thunder,

Although you seek, mommy hugs,

Rest assured, it's just bugs,

Bugs that set upon, attacking a quiet evening, to plunder.

FANCY DRESS AND FIX YOUR HAIR, BUT DO NOT EAT THE PIGS

I am very afraid, and hiding out, down deep in my digs,

It's the end of summer, and people are all roasting us pigs,

We kindly pigs are forsaken,

So, I'm protecting my bacon,

Soon, busy people will fancy dress,  and saloon their nice wigs.

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FLUE AND THE UNHAPPY COLOR

Everyone has caught the flue,

Even the little birdies, too,

No one knows what to do,

Who should we chose to sue,

Resting in bed, it's true,

Some are feeling, others turning, the unhappy color, called blue.

COLD

It got so extremely cold, my collie dog could not make a bark,

It got so cold, my electric car battery, died in the dark,

My plastic, bottled tea,

Froze, and the tea burst free,

I laid down on my warm bed, and on my heating pad, I did park.

SNOW REMOVAL, NOT

My old snowblower went on the fritz,

All its parts blew out in little bits,

When my blower wouldn't blow,

I shoveled the darn snow,

I shoveled a few feet, then I quits.

THE POLAR VORTEX AND ME

I am just a frozen popsicle on a ski,

Resulting from the Polar Vortex meeting me,

My jacket, all warm and tight,

Could not handle Vortex might,

I now stand as a statue, you can view for free.

HOW DID THE POISONOUS CHRISTMAS BEETLE INFEST HOMES.

There was a little Christmas beetle, that climbed down from my Christmas tree,

The Christmas beetle was so cute and cuddly, that I just let him be,

I worried the beetle had rabies,

But I didn't expect all the babies,

By the time the next springtime came, beetles filled my house up like a sea. 

THE FOREST PRIMEVAL MONSTER

I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today,

To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May,

Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs,

To bring back all my logs,

A forest monster, followed me back to where I stay.

DOLPH, THE SHINY TAILED REINDEER

Dolph, the sleigh bell, Santa reindeer, had a big, shiny tail,

You could see him flying through snowstorms, and rainstorms with hail,

On coco, Dolph, was wired,

So, Dolph, never got tired,

Dolph, led Santa's sleigh, after his red nosed father, expired.

WINTER DEAD

We all hope that enough winter nuts, we have now, squirreled,

As the dark, bleak drapes of winter, cover our new world,

And, ode to the snow, white,

Covering the dead fall, blight,

While we hold close our others, under blankets, half furled.

SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,

They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,

As winter cold hits the fan,

Each squirrel and each man,

Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.