HOME EQUITY: IT PUTS GAS IN THE TANK

I drove my pickup truck to the gas station to put gas in my gas tank,

First, I had to get a bank loan, which was backed by the home of Uncle Hank,

High gas prices give me depression,

I have an unhappy confession,

My uncle will be losing his home, when I can't make payments to the bank.

OVER ECONOMICS, I FRET NO MORE

Prices have made my personal economics a huge disaster,

I had to sell my collection of knick knacks, carved from alabaster,

Poverty takes a terrible toll,

I steal food from the neighbor's doggy bowl,

I've been sold into bondage for my debts; hope I have a nice master.

IN A SNOW BANK

I slept inside a snowbank, because it is so cold,

It's a hard thing to do, when you're 100 years old,

My increased mortgage, I couldn't pay,

The bank took my small home away,

This may change my future plans, at least how they unfold.

SLOWLY, THE REPTILES WIN

I have noticed that local snakes, and our creepy lizards are bigger in size,

Their growth awakens an ancient prejudice; a wish for reptilian demise,

My feelings are condemned as a sin,

But, I fear the reptiles may win,

If they start by eating my pets, then my family, that would be no surprise.

I DIED FROM A BLOODY TOOTH

I pulled my bad tooth out with pliers; it was done on a dare,

I then started bleeding really bad, that gave me a teared scare,

For an ambulance, I sent,

To the hospital, I went,

A nurse put a tag on my toe, and I got cremated there.

ELDON AND THE SNOWPLOW

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow,

And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go,

One cold day, Eldon looked for his cow,

But, was run over by a snowplow,

Eldon's feet were all that we found, on poor Eldon's day of woe.

WINTER SLEEP OR FINAL SLEEP

We blogged about the winter, and we blogged about the deep snow,

We blogged about the sunny places, we can't afford to go,

It is now time for the winter creep,

We just sit, and freeze and take a weep,

We'll soon freeze, pass out, and wake up in the spring? I Do not know.

WHAT I WILL DO FOR MY PIZZA, RAVE PARTY

I went out to dig a body ditch, also known as a grave,

Down to the body box of Dear Henry, a bro and a knave,

Bro Henry, in life,

Stole Sarah, my wife,

And, Henry has my pizza coupons, that I need for my rave.

MY BIG, MONSTER COUGAR WAS HUNGRY

I saddled up my big cougar, and road that monster to the store,

I went inside to buy just beans, because we are the living poor,

When I was walking out,

I heard a human shout,

I caught my big, monster cougar eating people; I counted four.

THE POLAR VORTEX

The Polar Vortex has frozen my ginger beer,

Frostbite has taken my left nostril and right ear,

Whirling snow blows around,

Hits my face pound, pound, pound,

And, a huge road grader has snuck up from the rear.

MY MORAL DILEMMA: BURGS OR THE HAPPINESS OF COWS

I always have the chewing and eating of beef burgs, on my brain,

I feel that cattle are my victims; it's brain farts for the insane,

Why for cattle rights, I should care?,

Is a race memory, wiped bare?,

I'll continue eating cattle; wish them a good life with no pain.

POX = DETOX

I came down with a case of severe pox,

I caught it from my new cereal box,

There's pox in all the stores,

In the ceilings and floors,

I feel so sick, like I did in detox.  

I USE TO VISIT SIDNEY, AT THE DOLLAR STORE IN MICHIGAN-MID

I use to go to a dollar store, when I was a little kid,

I had a much older brother who worked there, he was named, Sid,

Sid was married to Raydean,

They had kids, Bill and Maureen,

They all lived in a  tent in a park, and that is what they did.

KING BENNY AND THE SCURVY DISEASE LIMERICK

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased,

Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased,

His servants offered him fruits,

He threw at them his boots,

Now he feels bad because he is well teased.

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THE GINGERBREAD AQUARIUM

Ron built an aquarium out of gingerbread,
It didn't hold water and his fish are all dead,
It may not be too soon,
To say Ron's mind's out of tune,
Ron thought the bread would keep his little fish fed.

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THE FIT IN (2026)

I am sociopathic, and it inspires me to both dance and sing,

When I hear of tragedy for others, I hear the bells of joy, Ding,Ding!

It is very popular and cool,

To bask in this world of cruel,

Especially, when great cruelty brings, a treasure chest of coin and bling.

SPRING SOL AND THE BUG EGG KEEPER

Bugs have entered my long beard, and their winter eggs, they have laid,

The bugs know their eggs are safe, until Spring Sol contact is made,

I am the Bug Egg Keeper,

A super hero sleeper,

I guard the eggs with my life; don't expect to ever be paid.

THIS IS THE LAST YEAR, I'M GOING SURFING IN THE FALL

Today, I went Fall surfing, and ooh, the water, it was so cold,

I progressed along my age timeline, 100 years; I feel old,

Now I have a big, healthy cough,

It's pneumonia; I feel off,

I've just been measured for a casket, and I'm told my house is sold.

A SAD BUGLE MEMORY

School is back, and I took my golden bugle to school,

I play it between classes; I'm the kid who looks cool,

But when I play sad taps,

It reminds me of paps,

And the day I found him lying face down in the pool.

GOODBYES, AND A FEEL GOOD TREAT

My family, all died on me, and left me completely alone,

They all got cremated, and I was left with just their ash and bone,

I took them down to the blue lake, 

Dumped them in, for the waves to take,

I stopped at the dairy place, and had a double dip, ice cream cone.