LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

On the way home from my work, I bought taters, five pounds, I like my fried taters, and share them with my four hounds, They love fried pota...

I bought a fat goose and I named him Christmas, so now he is our Christmas goose, Each morning I kick him out of the kid's bed, and in t...

I went to buy some fresh, lean beef, but the price was just too high, I went to buy some deli ham, but the pig price made me cry. I wanted t...

Santa likes his fresh sugar cookies, but Santa loves his eggnog,  The one thing Santa loves much better, is a fried leg, off a frog, Some pe...

My steak is all gristle, and my lollipop, quite stale, After eating these nasty treats, I went puke in pail, The poor food choices I take, B...

I went downtown for a sandwich and cold pop, It was gonna be just a one place, one stop, The bathrooms, they stunk, Like a roadkill skunk, I...

I went to a fast food place, for a fish between buns with a pop and fries, I hung out there on Fridays to be with the local gals and local g...

A robot stole my packed, full grocery cart; it was full of bananas, I was taking them to the nursing home, to feed the grandpas and nanas, F...

I was hungry for peaches, so I went to the grocery store, The store didn't have any peaches, because they were needed for war, I did not...

I am an 80 year old beggar, and I live on the street, People throw me a penny, and tell me, just spend it to eat, I give them a big, giant g...

My chicken laid two little eggs that I fried up with some ham, The kids did not like breakfast; they wanted bacon flavored Spam, They had ce...

There was a constant blogger, who blogged about preparing his every meal, He thought if he blogged his meal details, he'd receive lots o...

I made me some spaghetti and dumped in a can of sauce, Into this mixture, my special meatballs, I gave a toss, It tasted so good, The best i...

J went outside to hoe my garden, but everything was dead, Somehow it had turned to fall, but it was spring inside my head, Where did the spr...

I go down to the Butcher's and buy "mystery meat", They won't tell me what it is, but its real cheap to eat, You can taste...

 Big Hank, he be nimble on the competitive pogo stick, Hank's massive body will pogo down hard, then bounces up quick, Hank fuels up wit...

 My groceries were delivered, direct from the big store, Some pops were broken open, and that made me really sore, The pop soaked my cheddar...

My bucket is full of minnows, and my can is full of worms, My lunchbox is full of candy; my hands are covered with germs, I am fishing in my...

 I went to the grocery store, hoped to buy a giant can of beans, I've got 15, very heavy kids to feed, and 9 of them are teens, I was re...

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in, In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin, We were all warm and cozy, While the outside ...