LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Santa went walking one night, and met a snow monster, and she was pretty, The snow monster came up north, because the snow had melted in the...

I bought a little motorbike, so I could journey into town, The flying bugs splat me in the face, and that makes me have a frown, In town, my...

Food prices have gotten really high, so I bought a clearance piece of pork, It was very slimy and stunk, but when cooked it had the texture ...

I woke up and saw a flying saucer parked in my backyard, There were two little green aliens chewing on my Swiss card, I grabbed my big blast...

The favorite dish served in Northern Michigan is called road kill stew, Every time you try it, you find smells and flavors you never new, Co...

My cinnamon oatmeal was too hot, and it burned my pink lips, I use to eat lots of bacon, but bacon made huge, my hips, Each morning drink pr...

Mama raised her tulips, and daddy raised his sweet corn, That's the type of family, that little me was born, We ate corn in our pudding,...

Methinks someone was quantum tunneling, deep inside my brain, A lot of things I remember, now seem changed; am I insane? I watch internet sc...

I went and scraped marsupials off the road today, I had to really scrape them, cause they had dried up in the clay, Consider yourself a winn...

I saw a fat iguana fall out of a tall tree, I thought I would eat it, because its meat was all free, Then on down came another, An iguana br...

My kid popcorned his dead guppies, because I forbade him snacks to eat, I don't see how guppies in a popcorn popper, is a tasty treat, T...

I thought that I was being a really good diet boy, I ate only burgers that were made out of common soy, But, my life change diet was handcuf...

I dreamed of ancient Egyptian symbols, dancing across my brain,  They transported me back in time to an Egyptian pharaoh's rein, He aske...

I got a call from Mars, and Martians are coming our way, They want some pet seahorses, at least that's what they say, Mars is known for ...

I bought several boxes of snack crackers, for my New Year's Eve, They were all cheesy powdered, so we could eat them out of the sleeve, ...

I stuffed so much wood in my steel woodstove, my cabin became really hot, It was so hot that when anyone came inside, their nose would runof...

I think of humans to be like all other animals, except humans aren't on my menu for dinner, It sounds like an extremely, ignorant prejud...

I bought some asparagus for my Christmas dinner, and I covered it with cheese, I dripped over the asparagus dish,  some bacon grease for a r...

Trina had a big acorn, stuffed way up in her shoe, It made her little toesies all black and navy blue, Trina pulled off her little shoe, Pul...

I came down with a case of severe pox, I caught it from my new cereal box, There's pox in all the stores, In the ceilings and floors, I ...