MEAT + RUG = COST OF A SLUG

I went out to my chicken coup, and ran into a big bear,

He had eaten all of my chickens, but I really didn't care,

For the cost of a slug,

I got a bear skin rug,

I barbeque bear meat for the kids;  my bear stake I eat rare.

I STAND STRAIGHT UP, BUT DIZZY

I grow red potatoes on the side of a steep hill,

Most people can't quite stand up straight, but I have that skill,

I go hoe, hoe, hoe, hoe,

Then my potatoes grow,

Sometimes I get dizzy, until I take my heart pill.

THE SHEEP KEEPER

I bought me an old country farm to raise me free roaming sheep,

Roaming sheep are so very pretty, and quite easy to keep,

Here is the real deal,

They get a free meal,

But if they get in front of my pickup, they get a beep, beep.

8324

FAMILY VALUES, PEONIES AND MEAT

I taught my entire coup of chickens, to poop on the peonies,

Poop is a great fertilizer, and the resulting flowers, do please,

Peonies cover the families graves,

Ma, and Pa, and Great Grandpa Big Draves.

Nana ,Grandpa and Aunt Louise, are in the barn, in the meat, deep freeze.  

TOMATOES, THE BAD CROP

This years tomatoes, did not attain the size, big,

The foul taste was like an ancient, rotten, pine twig,

The plants were of bad seed,

I think bred from a weed,

Our labors been lost, the fruits aren't fit for a pig.

I ONCE HAD A BIG GREEN BOIL

I once had a big green, boil, looming large on my right forearm,

The doctor cut the boil off, leaving a scar for chit, chat charm,

I then grew a great, big zit,

On my nose, it took a sit,

One of the critters bit it off, at granny and grandpa's, goat farm.

BLUE TOTE ORGANIC FERTILIZER

My dear neighbor, has a herd of fat goats,

He collects their poop in plastic, blue totes,

He makes many a big buck,

When his totes fill up a truck,

Then from the truck, they're transferred to big boats.

ART, I'M NOT LOCKED IN

I took some local art classes, and what did I find?

The other students were critics, and they were unkind,

I complained to the teacher,

She was a mean creature,

She said that my artwork, smelled like her dead cows behind.

FROZEN PIG FUTURES

It got so dog gone cold, my pigs all froze,

I sold them all before, the market close,

Just a pound and a pee,

Was the price they gave me,

Enough for a pint, and socks for my toes.

HANNIBAL IN THE HAY

Once upon a time, there was a pig, named Hannibal,

He liked eating bacon, and was called a cannibal,

On one nice, sunny, fine day,

He fell asleep in the hay,

He was then ate raw by a human, called Animal.

DAY OF THE FARM

After the farm hay, I put away,🚜🌄

An October rainbow made my day,🌈

I picked my pumpkin patch,🎃

It was a record batch,💲

Some bugs ate my beans, I'll make them pay.🐛🐜😡

BEAVER HICKORY

There was a busy beaver that chewed on my hickory,

He chewed right through the hard, hardwood, then downward fell my  tree,

It fell upon my crops,

Damaged my turnip tops,

*The beaver cut my big tree up, then hauled it out to sea.

*Version 2

The tree is too heavy to move...it rots out in the leigh. 

NEIGHBORS WENT FERRELL AND ATE MY SHEEP

I had lots of sheep, a massive white flock,

I watched them like a hawk, around the clock,

Neighbors needed to eat,

Neighbors saw all my meat,

They took my sheep and clocked me with a rock.

WARTS AND PORK BACON

There was a wart, and it would not die,

It was growing on Lenny's left thigh,

The wart grew real big,

Then out hatched a pig,

Then Lenny had bacon to fry.

ELMER USED HIS STOOP

Crazy Elmer had no roof, to keep his chickens warm and cozy,

Then every time the winter came, his poor chickens all got frozey,

So Elmer took the wood from his stoop,

Then built a roof on his chicken coup,

His home was never quite the same, and he was left by his wife, Rosey.

COHABITATION? NOT FOR PIGS AND FISH

I decided to raise fish in the ponds on my farm,

I figured it couldn't do anyone any harm,

But a catfish got so big,

He swallowed my prize pig,

That's when raising fish lost its charm.

I FOUND CAKE

I went to the barn and found some moist, chocolate cake,

It was laying in hay, still a big piece I did take,

It was a trifle bit runny,

And the cows looked at me funny,

I heard more than one of them say, that I was a flake.

CORN FUTURES POP AND DROP

I wanted to grow only cash crops,

I planted that corn seed that pops,

But the sun got so hot,

The seed popped on the spot,

Crows are eating the popped corn as it drops.

DUMPED BY PHIL, GREW WEED OF DILL

I got depressed when I got left by my Phil,

So I got me some dill seeds and grew me some dill,

My licenced dill farm,

Done no one no harm,

 Till I powdered the dill weed and made a thrill pill.

POACHED EGGS WITH LEGS

Dave went out into the woods to poach his self some eggs,

The eggs had baby chicks within, complete with little legs,

That made Dave feel really sad inside,

So, in his hankie he cried and cried,

Dave now steals from chicken coups, when caught, his life he begs.