EEK AND ZEEK, PEEK AND SEEK

I have two uncles, they are twins, named Zeek and Eek,

When they saw pretty girls, they would sneak a peek,

The girls thought the peek was a stare,

So did local Constable Robare,

Now, Zeek and Eek,  the President's pardon they seek.   

TEETH BITE, BUT A WREATH SUCKS

Benny did me a solid, when he loaned me his teeth,

The teeth weren't for me, they were for my Grandfather Keith,

Gramps had a date dinner,

With a rich widow winner,

But, instead of flowers, he gave her a vine, heart shaped wreath.

NEIGHBORLY ADVICE

The neighbor lady told Paul, he looked really creepy,

When he walked the neighborhood alone, before sleepy,

She said, to at least get a small dog,

Visit the local pub for a grog,

And, quit using the neighbor's front lawns to go pee pee.

THE ALPHA MALE HAS AIR CONDITIONING, THE BETA MAN DRINKS COOL TEA

It was the first day of a long, hot summer, and my true love said to me,

"I'm going to live with your cousin David, because his crib has AC",

I made up a story,

I said I was sorry,

I explained I was saving for an ice maker, to cool our lemon tea.

TUNA BREATH LIVES ALONE

When my buddy has been eating tuna, he has a tell,

His breath has a nasty, pungent type of exhaust, to smell,

My buddy's breath makes eyes squint,

But, he won't intake a mint,

His roomies kicked him out, and at my place, he will not dwell.

TOLERATING CHILDREN IN 2025

Deep in the basement, is where all my kids, should forever be,

Playing video games, or watching reality tv,

I'd feed them crackers and cheese,

And, apple juice and canned peas,

If they want an education, they could have ChatGPT.

DATING RITUALS, AND UNREQUITED LOVE

Poor old, teenager, Sad Zack, laid crying on his back,

Crying over attractiveness, Zackery, did lack,

When he talked to girls,

He often had the hurls,

Sometimes Zack would pick his nose, and offer up a snack.

I NEED A BABE WHO GETS MOSTLY D'S

School just got out, and I mostly got C's,

My pretty baby, got almost all B's,

Because I'm not as smart,

We' growing far, far apart,

I'm looking for a new babe, who does D's.

COLD DADDY AND THE BEAR

A bear wandered up my driveway, and ate a couple of my kids,

My wife, she got extremely hysterical, I just thought, "good rids",

They were both over 35,

Took my money, to stay alive,

I suppose, I will have to sell their stuff; I'll ask around for bids.

I'M A SUGAR DADDY, WHO IS ABOUT TO GET CANNED

I am swimming in many millions of can empties, from pop that was caned,

I can't take back any of my empty cans, because the brands are store banned,

I need some quick, fast money,

To make happy, my honey,

If I'm honey dumped, I'll be the most unhappy boy, in all of can land.

FAMILY IN THE MORNING

Little Timmy road his bike, to his new primary school,

Big brother Jerry, stayed home for the day, to play some pool,

Cousin Sammy ironed underwear,

So he'd  be warmed, for cold a.m. air,

 Grandpa Don, needed a nose hair trim, and searched for his tool.

OUR DATE: ONLY TWO

I made some special, chicken fondue,

I only had enough, just for two,

But, you wanted more,

So, I tripped to the store,

When I got back, you had left, boohoo.  

JIMMY AND THE BARTENDER BEAR

Jimmy moved all the way to Mars, but he did not like it there,

Until he met a nice, large friend, called the Margarita Bear,

The Bear worked at the Far Mars Bar,

His bartending made him a star,

The Bear was cuddle fury, while Jimmy only had nose hair.

MY EX TOOK THE FURNITURE, AND FED MY CAT TO THE RAT

I slept on the floor, and got bit by a gigantic rat,

I'm sure it's the same one that ate my sweetie, kitty cat,

My ex is so dog, gone lame,

The rental is in my name,

My ex owned the furniture, and took their stuff, oh drat!.

MY DAISY GOES AWAY

I had a beautiful, pet log, its name was Daisy,

I'd sit on it, and talk to it, like I was crazy,

Then one frosty, and sunny day,

A logger, took Daisy away,

I would have used her for firewood, but I'm lazy.

TOMMY, MOMMY, ORIGAMI

When starting out and leaving home, whether you're a Tina or a Tommy,

You must begin looking for a rich, sugar daddy or sugar mommy,

Then ask them for a nice sports car,

An apartment, close by, not far,

Then make them cheap gifts, showing them you care, like clay pots or origami. 

THE BLINGING OF THE KING

I went to Utah to visit our dear King,

He was so unhappy, because of the thing,

He had been extremely jolly,

After he married Queen Polly,

But, then she divorced him and took all his bling.

MY SWEETIE HAS A NEW FRIEND😞

My sweetie had a tantrum, oh yes, my sweetie had a big fit,

My sweetie kicked me out of the house, so I sleep by the fire pit,

It's so cold, holy cow,

I could use some hot chow,

My sweetie moved in a friend; by the fireplace they spoon and sit.

THE LIMERICK OF A RELATIONSHIP FOOL

I have limitations and those limitations are quite vast,

Most come from my great ignorance, cultivated in my past,

Captive in love of cutie Kim,

Serving dear Kim, whim after whim,

But once we were newly married, my Kim's love became hate, real fast.

THE LOVE LIMERICK

I fell in love with a new sweetie,

We met while online going tweety,

We tweeted like birds,

With love-dovey words,

Perhaps real soon we will meety.