TOOTS, FOOTS, LEAVES AND ROOTS: AN ALIEN STORY

There was an alien from Saturn, with a real name of Toots,

She lacked having two, human legs, so they bar nicknamed her foots,

Foots was a fine bar hoping star,

She was different, looked bazaar,

One day, Toots went pee in a park, then sprouted leaves, and dropped roots.

CHAOS AND THE JUDGE

I tried to create some chaos, because that's the popular thing to do,

I went to a pharmacy lab, and released the rats, and the monkeys too,

I did not make it too far,

Ended up in a cop car,

My mean judge, had a chaos grudge; I got 20 years, now my crimes, I rue.

FROM DUST TO DILL

 Before the quaint, horse drawn wagon, climbed the old mill road hill,

It was loaded with dry, ancient saw dust, from the old mill,

For apartments, the mill property had been acquired,

All the employees, young and old,  were instantly fired,

The last asset, saw dust, was bought by a farm, growing dill.

THE KID WITH SQUARE HAIR

I have really rare pedigree hair,

Its curls each grow into a square,

Some say it looks pretty,

Others, give me pity,

My big sister has straight, purple hair.

MY BROTHER-IN-LAW SMELLS

My weird brother-in-law, does not feel real, darn rosy,

So, he piles into his pants pockets, some posey,

He hasn't bathed in six weeks,

His big, hairy body, wreaks,

He needs a hard spray down, with water from the hosey.

ROXXIE TEACHES THE LOUGHA HOOGHA, AT SUMMER CAMP

Roxxie The Red, got an up north summer job, as a councillor at Lake Tanganugha,

While swimming, Roxxie was attacked by a monster, a whale, like a giant beluga, 

The monster ate an arm, and swam away,

Roxxie grew a new arm, by the next day,

Then the campers and councillors came out to play, and they all danced the Lougha Hoogha.

LITTLE GARGOYLES ARE CUTE, BUT I GAVE THEM THE BOOT

I did my daily doomscrolling after midnight,

The spirits squeezed up to my body, really tight,

On all the channels I could see,

Videos strictly about me,

Fighting gargoyles, that were one tenth of my height.

AI IS TOO HUMAN

My home has been invaded by pesky, AI bots,

They insist on urinating in my flower pots,

And, whoever knew?

AI bots had to poo,

So, I send them outside to neighborhood, vacant lots.

UNCLE DR. GREW, THE DINOSAUR

I never saw a dinosaur, until I was almost ten,

Daddy caught one in our backyard, and put it in a pen,

We named the dinosaur, Dr. Grew,

After mommy's brother, who died from flu,

When Dr. Grew became house broke, we kept him in our den.

PAINT THE WEASEL AND DIE

I went out to Little Twin Lake, to find me a sabre tooth weasel.

I wanted to paint his picture on a canvass, held by an easel.

Found the weasel, and he got uptight,

Gave me a sabre tooth weasel bite,

I crawled to the road; stoped a semi-truck, which ran on stinky diesel.

SANTA HAS LABOR ISSUES

Santa isn't using reindeer to pull his sleigh, this year,

Instead, he's hired unicorns, they're cheap, they'll work for beer,

The reindeer have gone on strike,

Want more breaks, and a pay hike,

The elves won't cross the picket lines, and Christmas Eve is near.

THE DAM THAT BURST

When the lake dam burst, my log cabin took a rigorous swim,

Along with my sports card collection, and my pet spider, Jim,

The log cabin fell apart,

Nothing left for a restart,

No sports cards were recovered, and neither was my spider, Jim.

UNCLE LEE IN PARLIAMENT

Uncle Lee ran for parliament, because he thought through parliament, he could rule,

There is no parliament in the U.S., he'd have known that if he'd gone to school,

Uncle Lee won big, his race,

But, he lost his civil case,

Uncle Lee tried to establish a parliament, but the judge was no one's fool.

FAILURE IS AN ART

I went to Ann Arbor Town, to take an art history class,

But, no matter how hard I tried, the art class I could not pass,

The teacher played too many games,

Making me learn too many names,

The only art I ever owned, was a talking, plastic bass.

Depression, Starvation, No Heat: It Must Be Christmas Again

I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay,

I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way,

My kids will get no new toys,

No food for girls and boys,

And, off goes the heat and the lights, now it's a dismal day.

BENNY GOT RETUBED

Benny used green leaves for toilet paper, and got a bad infection,

When he showed his old doctor, the doctor, quickly made a connection,

Some common green leaves, we all know,

Are poison, and cause drainage woe,

Benny stayed in the hospital, while they retubed his lower section.

FRESH FISH STEW FROM THE LAKE OF BLUE

The little creature floating in my stew,

I caught in the lake that was colored blue,

I bopped his head, so he would not come to,

If he did, this day he would come to rue,

He smelled like a fish, and tasted like poo.

MARY HAD TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS

Mary had just two pairs of socks, she bleached them white as snow,

Everywhere that Mary went, one pair was sure to go,

Mary bloodied up her best pair of socks,

When she tripped over a pile of rocks,

A permanent stain; Mary bought a new pair with her doe.

RICHIE HARD TIMES

He had a tic in his tock, 

And, a big rock in his sock,

He spent everyday, listening to Rosy Land Bach,

His debts started to swell,

He had nothing to sell,

Now, he spends every evening at the Boys Club & Dock.

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HEMORRHOIDS ARE DESTROYERS OF THE WORLD

Some wanted the world destroyed,

Some put such feelings, on avoid,

Then we all got nuked, 

Radiation we puked,

Just because a dictator had a hemorrhoid.