CHAMOMILE TEA GOES TO HEAVEN, AND NASTY ALE DOES NOT

The ships set sail, full of chamomile, 

There were six, or maybe seven,

The ships set sail, transporting chamomile,

To the ports that receive for heaven.

A ship set sail, full of skunky ale, 

There was just one, called The Beulah Bell,

Beulah Bell set sail, full of tainted ale,

To be delivered where demons dwell.

RANDY RED NECK AND THE PIRATE'S PERCH

Onto my left breast, I pinned a shiny tin star,

I'm tracking porch pirates, down the street with my car,

Many sidewalks, far away,

I found where pirates, do stay,

An apartment, above Randy Red Neck's Grill-Bar

A STEVE THE PORCH PIRATE CHRISTMAS LIMERICK

Steve was a porch pirate who was very lucky,

He threw boxes from porches into the back.of his trucky,

Presents Steve got from his hood,

Made his Christmas feel good,

But for all those he ripped off, it was sucky.

VIGILANTE PORCH PIRATE JUSTICE

Three porch pirates walked into a bar,

Each showed their biggest porch pirating scar,

One lost two fingers to a machete,

Another lost his pelvis to a pet Yetii,

The third got his head chopped, it now floats in a jar.

SANTA MAN AND THE MILK COW, AND BEN

Mossy my milk cow, she pulled Santa's sleigh,

That's because the reindeer had all run away,

Santa had gained many a pound,

The sleigh wouldn't lift off the ground,

Mossy and bull Ben, powered Santa that day.