I CAN'T GET ANY HELIUM FOR MY SICK GRANDMA

I cannot get any helium, to put in my big, beautiful balloon,

If I can't find some helium, I am going to be unhappy, soon,

I went to the party, balloon store,

They don't sell helium, anymore,

I need to fill a "Get Well" balloon, to take over to my Grandma Boone.

I WAS GONNA VOTE, BUT I WENT TO JAIL

I went to vote on this sunny day,

I could vote what I wanted to say,

The parking was real tight,

I got into a fight,

I went to jail, and that's where I'll stay.

HAM FLAVORED CLERKY MANAGER

A lion walked into a grocery store, looking for a plump clerk,

The clerks were all very thin and busy, rushing around their

 work,

A portly mean manager, named Sam,

Was yelling, and smelled like ham,

The lion hauled Sam out the door, and fed her cubs ham flavored jerk.

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IT STINKS, BECAUSE THE DUCKS SCREWED AROUND

Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car,

On long trips they pee in an old mason jar,

But one was wise-craken,  

The other laugh-quacken,

The spill smells like the urinal at the bar.