LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I've been quantum tunneling all of my married life, It has made for an ideal marriage with my dear, wife, When the wife enters a room, T...

I went to the local zoo and got framemogged, by a gorilla, The gorilla had an aggressive name; his name was Attila, His muscular frame was b...

I never walk out into the bright light of the great sun, I feel the light will expose all the awful things I've done, I once stole a coo...

I tried to tunnel my brainy consciousness to change my personal past, I wanted to be stinky rich, and have a marriage that for years, would ...

Aunt Matilda took a shower, and Uncle Benny took a bath, They slopped water all over, drenched the floor, which caused vexed grandma's w...

My girlfriend just got home from the hospital, and boy was she mad, She said I should have stayed with her, when she was so puking sick and ...

I got in a street fight with a modern robot, and I did not do so well, He was an expert at kickboxing, his foot in my face was how I could t...

I took my blind date out to an expensive restaurant, to eat, After we each sat down, I noticed she had very stinky feet, Please, no food for...

My ex-girlfriend moved back to Texas, to a big city called Dallas, She worked making greasy fries, at a grub bar called, Beer And Slop, By A...

My girlfriend, big dumped me, before the old year was through, She said I couldn't cut it, in the coming year, that was new, Her dating ...

I was so mad; I put on my winter boots to walk into a war, The evil, next door neighbors, blew out their driveway, and filled mine in more, ...

My big, lurking, gray cat has many wicked, wicked ways, My cat, Sheila, eats the rats that make my home, their maze, When I enjoy my night c...

I left the sleepy, little village, because I thought I'd take a walk, Villagers think that I am really weird, because to myself, I talk,...

I have two uncles, they are twins, named Zeek and Eek, When they saw pretty girls, they would sneak a peek, The girls thought the peek was a...

Benny did me a solid, when he loaned me his teeth, The teeth weren't for me, they were for my Grandfather Keith, Gramps had a date dinne...

The neighbor lady told Paul, he looked really creepy, When he walked the neighborhood alone, before sleepy, She said, to at least get a smal...

It was the first day of a long, hot summer, and my true love said to me, "I'm going to live with your cousin David, because his cri...

When my buddy has been eating tuna, he has a tell, His breath has a nasty, pungent type of exhaust, to smell, My buddy's breath makes ey...

Deep in the basement, is where all my kids, should forever be, Playing video games, or watching reality tv, I'd feed them crackers and c...

Poor old, teenager, Sad Zack, laid crying on his back, Crying over attractiveness, Zackery, did lack, When he talked to girls, He often had ...