COLLEGE DEBT LIMERICK II

Jimmy thought education was king, 
He was sure great riches it'd bring,
But, after eight years of college,
And vast quantities of knowledge,
His pockets are empty of bling.

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WHAT I'VE DONE SINCE COLLEGE

I studied corporate finance, also quantum physics too,

I got a job in banking, managed money, for people like you,

Then the securities market tanked

My security licence was yanked,

Now I'm in a federal prison, but I got a window view.

MATH AND TUNA

I always knew, that the intelligence of my math teacher, was not real,

Teacher waddles all around the class, and barks and smells, like an ocean seal,

Some kids say, "just let him be",

I say, " take him out to sea",

That way he can bark and swim all day, and eat a big tuna for his meal.

COLLEGE HAS A PERK

I had eighty pages left to read, in my chemistry book,

My dear, precious eyesight, I am afraid, that boring book took,

If my sight does not improve,

It will be my next move,

To call in sick for my chem class, and relax in the bar nook. 

THE SNAKE, THE LOAD AND THE CODE

Benny bought a python, so he could learn to write some computer code,

The python squeezed poor Benny so tight, Benny lost his big, colon load,

Our poor Benny, he did pass,

The snake died, from Benny gas,

Moral: When you squeeze someone way too hard, then poison gas may explode.

MY PARTICIPLE GOT GONGED

My home schooling mommy, said I was doing my participle, all wrong,

Mommy did not say what the problem was, she just banged my tin, toy gong,

Then she sent me straight to bed,

Without my teddy bear, Fred,

I hope she does not make me lay here, until my toe nails grow two feet long.

PHYSICS OR PHYS ED: THE LIFE OF BENNY

Benny grabbed a sharp pencil, to work out the, "Theory Of Everything ",

But, all he worked out with his pencil, was constipation; ouch! did that sting,

Since Benny was a boy,

The maths were his toy,

But, Benny is a school gym teacher, still dreaming of girls, fame and bling.

PIKE, BETSY AND MIKE

I write all of my limericks, listening to "Sweet Betsy From Pike",

That is why in my school records, they described me as a sick"psych",

I loved that old ditty, since I was a young tike,

I'd listen to it, when I drove my  motorbike,

At night I would sing a rendition, to my squirrel friend, Big Mike.

JUNIOR QUANTOS WENT TO SCHOOL

Junior Quantos went to a public high school,

He aced physics classes, using his big brain tool,

Although, his body was puny,

At 16, he went to Uni,

He became rich; he has a mansion with a pool.

WHEN I WAS A DRIVER'S TRAINEE

I was a driver's trainee,

When it was pour down rainy,

I hit the brake,

Slid, hit the lake,

After going through the fence called chainy.

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I DON'T KNOW MUCH, BUT I VLOG

I can't tell if my pet is a cat or a dog,

It could be a goldfish, or a tree climbing frog,

I should go to school,

But that is not cool,

I would rather spend time making my video vlog.

THE THINKER SLEEPS BETWEEN MY EARS

In my head I have a thinker,

Sometimes, he is a stinker,

Like math class,

I will not pass,

I'm tired in class, so I take a winker.

TIMMY TESTED OUT OF DRIVERS ED

Timmy's mommy told Timmy that he had to do his best,

That's why Timmy used a cheating note, when he took a test,

But, when he tested for the road,

He did encounter one big toad,

His note had no answer, and Timmy chose a dirt nap rest.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND NOTHING

I'm the only one I know that does not have a quantum physics degree,

All that fancy math and stuff are just too much for me,

I don't even understand, the signal that gets boxed in my tv,

Can't comprehend why in algebra, they use the letters x, y and z,

And the biggest mystery of all; why do English Folk drink tea.

IGNORANCE ISN'T JUST BLISS, IT'S THE LAW

At our schools, we got rid of all of the books,

We know all smart people are nothing, but crooks,

We replaced all the teachers, 

With porn stars with fit features,

We're teaching, the only thing that counts are good looks.

TO KEEP MY KIDS FROM LEARNING, I DID A BOOK BURNING

I burned the books in my house, and what did I get?

Three sons in the jail, and they each have a dimwit,

They turned out, not to be bright,

Can barely read, and can't write,

And, their mathematics skills, ain't worth a plum spit.

THE THREE SIBLINGS RETURN

The three siblings were allowed back into the school,

They had been suspended, for breaking every rule,

Restricted to gym classes,

Forbidden, toilet passes,

They said mean things to teacher, and he cried like a fool.

THE SIBLINGS GO BACK TO SCHOOL LIMERICK

Siblings Sloppy, Lazy and Careless, decided to go to school,

Sloppy, Lazy and Careless, didn't like those adults chosen to rule,

Yet, they became teacher's pets,

Learned mathematical sets,

But, were expelled when they all peed, in the just cleaned, school swimming pool.

NANA PSYCHOLOGY

My landline,  nanna left off the hook,

My cellphone, my mean nanna had took,

I sat all alone,

With no friends on the phone,

And, decided to read my school book. 

THE PIG GOT HIS RIGHTS, NOW MY DIGS CRUMBLE DOWN

I decided to fix up my crumbling digs,

By making money raising razor back pigs,

But one pig was no fool,

He sued to attend school,

Now he's a professor, lecturing between cigs.