THE WIFE AND KIDS CAN EAT BUGS, I'M OUT OF HERE (BAD DADDY)

My wife and kids went gosh, darn feral, now their sifting worms out of the sand,

They are even eating nasty, stinky bugs that they catch within their hand,

I cannot take this anymore,

Having a family that's poor,

I'm going to quietly get in the car, and drive off to the promised land.

MY SIX YEAR OLD SISTER, HAS AN EATING DISORDER

It's disgusting, I live with an eater of crayons, and paste,

I told ma, but she cared more about her stair stepper, and waist,

I know I should not whine,

I'm big brother, I'm nine,

But, I can't do my art stuff, when my kid sister has bad taste.

BASEMENT BOY 2: MAMA BITES BUTT

Basement Boy had a big rat, nesting in Basement Boy's couch,

When Basement Boy's butt plopped down, the rat bit Basement Boy, "ouch",

The rat didn't have rabies,

But, it had ten babies,

Basement Boy talked trash, about the rat, said she was a grouch.  

JOLLY ROGER WEASELS, OR FAMILY

Four weasels sailed together, out into an ocean bay,

Two weasels became rogue pirates, and decided to stay,

But Loretta and Seymour,

Swam back to the ocean shore,

They started a family, by the second week in May.

TONY GROWS WHISKERS

Tony started growing whiskers at the age of forty-four,

Tony didn't know what to do, he hadn't had whiskers before,

Pulling whiskers gave Tony pain,

It was driving him quite insane,

Luckily, his ma came home with a razor from the store.

THE PIT AND THE SPIT

I decided to eat us a big peach,

Now, a peach has a big pit, my pa teach,

When my tooth made a hit,

I knew it be the pit,

I licked it dry, and spit it out of my reach.

THE THREE SIBLINGS WERE UP TO NO GOOD

The three siblings told their ma, they were off to pick flowers,

It was just a lie, so the siblings could slip away for hours,

They went dolly shopping that day,

They each bought a Barbie, for play,

They could afford only one Ken doll, so he got bestowed super powers.

I'LL MAKE MY KIDS SO STUPID, THEY'LL TURNOUT JUST LIKE ME

My kids didn't respect me, because their learning went too far,

So, I banned them from the internet, and bought them a VCR,

All their books I had to burn,

Keeping them stupid, is my greatest concern,

Now they'll become just like me, and trade info at the bar.

TO KEEP MY KIDS FROM LEARNING, I DID A BOOK BURNING

I burned the books in my house, and what did I get?

Three sons in the jail, and they each have a dimwit,

They turned out, not to be bright,

Can barely read, and can't write,

And, their mathematics skills, ain't worth a plum spit.

MY SPECIAL FATHER'S DAY GIFT

I got thumb screws for Father's Day, and I don't have any kids,

I got the screws from my business pal; our biz is on the skids,

To stay afloat we did a crime,

Might go to jail, and do some time,

We spend our days waiting for the cops, at downtown bar, called "Sids".