LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

100% of the men who age, will physic change, Their belts will ride down low, in a below the belly range, As their bones shrink smaller, Youn...

It was six or seven in the evening, when Grandad Perry caught his cold, He lived in a nursing home, and was so ancient, his body was mostly ...

I went to the local zoo and got framemogged, by a gorilla, The gorilla had an aggressive name; his name was Attila, His muscular frame was b...

I cannot get any helium, to put in my big, beautiful balloon, If I can't find some helium, I am going to be unhappy, soon, I went to the...

Trina and her mom went to visit Tina's daddy, at the old city mall, Tina's big daddy worked part-time on weekends,  as a mall cop; h...

I have been prepping for a radioactive, end of the world, Many stacked pallets of bottled water, and canned food, I have squirreled, There w...

There was tremendous sunshine, slapping down upon my bare, fleshed skull, It happened to my cousin Mitch, and he ended up thinking, dull, Mi...

I never walk out into the bright light of the great sun, I feel the light will expose all the awful things I've done, I once stole a coo...

My Cousin Casey was so dog gone, super nice, Each day, his moral compass, he would check it twice, Casey had one ugly flaw, It concerned his...

I went down to St. Jane's funeral parlor;  saw my old lady there, She was laid out on an old table, and there was blood everywhere, She ...

I sucked in candy cigarettes, when I was a nasty,  little tot, I pretended I was like daddy, until my teeth began to rot, I copied mommy and...

Aunt Matilda took a shower, and Uncle Benny took a bath, They slopped water all over, drenched the floor, which caused vexed grandma's w...

My parents called me, and announced they had become little furries, They said they had a giant litter box, so there were no worries, I won...

My entire house filled up with neutrinos, once again, Someone left the back window open, and they all flew in, I used some neutrino spray, A...

I loved playing my dad's trumpet, and hoped a musician, I could one day, be, When dad died, we moved to grandma's house, and she sai...

My old fedora was eaten away by bugs, It was given to me by mama, with a kiss and hugs, It belonged to my Grand Pappy Moore, He bought it fo...

My big sister Trina, became a creepy, sinister ghoul, That was her default job, because she wouldn't attend her school, Kids, go to scho...

I drove down to Florida for Christmas, with my in-laws, the three, nasty bears, They're my wife's parents, they can't stand me, ...

My big, lurking, gray cat has many wicked, wicked ways, My cat, Sheila, eats the rats that make my home, their maze, When I enjoy my night c...

Christmas is coming, instead of goose, we are going to eat rat, My sister has a BB gun, and she knows where the rats are at, By day, they...