NO POINT COMPLAINING TO JACK

On a recent travel, I went up a mountain pass,

I rose up to the city with the towers of glass,

I got a coffee to go,

The service was slow,

I told the waiter; he yelled at me, what a jack sass.    

THE BIG BOOMER BRAIN

Jimmy was a Boomer, and fell for every scam and trick,

He couldn't discern lies from truth, because his mind didn't work, too quick,

He bought lake lots, along a ditch,

Underwear, that caused an itch,

Jimmy bought a soda pop brand, but the pop was chewy thick.

WHERE THE OLD HEIFER WORKS

I new an old salty, heifer, many called her a cow,

If you called her a cow to her face, she gave you a pow,

It sounds screw lose, nutter bizarre,

But, she worked at a coffee bar,

Patrons fresh, squeezed their milk, which made the heifer a star.

THE DOUBLE HEADED EAGLE

There was a double headed eagle, that use to sit in my apple tree,

The eagle use to eat the apples, but the apple tree died, recently,

The two heads spotted every small worm,

The eagle liked to catch and make them squirm,

I loved to watch the eagle hunt worms, while I sipped my chamomile tea.

I HAVE A COFFEE PROBLEM

I got cracked off on my coffee, because it was way too strong and hot,

It was the kind of drink, that if you are stuffed up, it will make you snot,

So, I embraced my draining nose,

It dripped, then wet my frontal clothes,

I'll never sleep because I am hammered, from the caffeine that I got.

JUMPING TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF PAUL

The chicken wings are in the deep freezer; the pails of beer are in the fridge,

Grandpa is an old geezer, but he can't keep up drinking beer with Aunt Midge,

For the birthday party for Paul,

I invited everyone I could call,

I offered each a teaser; regarding bungee jumping off of the bridge,

I CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH BELLY TREATS

Every single Christmas, I get fired,

It is never quite the Christmas, desired,

But, I got a nice big stash,

A coffee can full of cash,

I'll buy some pop and cookies, and get wired.

DUSTY BITTERS

I went to the tavern for a pint of bitters,

In it were specks, looked like little critters,

The bar keep said it was just dust,

He'd pour me another, if he must,

I said that "the legs on the dust gives me jitters".

HALLOWEEN IS OVER, SIGH 😞👹

Halloween is over, and I already miss it very much,

I like dressing up like Elvis, and drinking my wicked warlock punch,

Halloween comes but once a year,

Bringing big screams and goblin cheer,

I have some leftover trick-or-treats, I brought them in my lunch.

DRINK PARSNIPS, NOT

I had to make a post haste decline,

When I was offered some parsnip wine,

I'm willing to taste,

Wines made from toothpaste,

But vegetable wines cross the line.

HOT CHOCOLATE WOULD HIT THE SPOT, LIMERICK

The rain pelted down on my brain,

It made me 3/4 insane,

I was way out in the woods,

Picking mushroom goody goods,

Dreamed of coco, flavored with candy cane.

I BUY MY. WINE AT DOLLAR STORES

My table wine did not taste so good,

Flavored like the polish I use on wood,

My eyes turned dark green,

Hurt in kidneys, liver spleen,

Discount wine maybe bad, now understood.

THE HALLOWEEN BOO MALT

I put pepper and salt,

In my Halloween malt,

And a dash of sweet pumpkin too,

Along with spider eyes,

And little fat flies,

Makes you ready to burp out a "Boo!".

NO HOPS, DRINK POPS WITH NO TOPS

This year I had a failed crop of hops,

So, now all winter I drink shots and pops,

But, it's beer that I'll crave,

Until, I go to my grave,

I so miss those beer foamy tops.

IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win,
I'm being visited by a houseful of kin,
They devoured all my steaks,
Leaving me to eat just pancakes,
And, they drank all of my beer, wine, bourbon and gin.