NED HAS HEAD PLUGS

It felt like the fall of mighty Rome,

When Ned lost all the hair on his dome,

At just age twenty-five,

Ned felt barely alive,

He had hair plugs, and scalp treatment foam.

VANITY AND THE GNOME

The gnome found several, giant, hairy warts in a very, nasty place,

The warts were located under his chin, so you could see them on his face,

He tried removal with blistering steam,

He rubbed the warts hard, with cold, bagel, cream,

At last, the gnome decided the warts were him,  and their presence he'd embrace.

THE MUG OF A BUG

I told my barber, I'm not hugged, because my haircut is a big disgrace,

The barber looked me in my big eye, and said, the problem was in my face,

He said, you can't get a kiss, kiss hug,

With the the face of a beetle bug,

The barber sent me to his cousin, who has a plastic surgery place.

SHERRY POOFY HAIR

Sherry Little Toes, liked to read her small classy, fancy books,

Sherry had real little fingers, and a little pan that cooks,

Sherry loved to fry dead fish,

With a potato side dish,

Sherry had a boyfriend, because poofy hair gave her good looks.

SUNTAN WITH A CRAYON

No matter what poor Karen couldn't tan,
So, she tried drawing one on with a crayon,
She couldn't get the right hue,
So, she just crayoned herself blue,
Now, she matches the color of her minivan.

THE PRICE OF VANITY (A LIMERICK)

I hung my own picture on the wall,
It fell on my wood stove and that's not all,
After my nighttime retire,
My picture caught fire,
Now, I live on a bench in the mall.