BIG BOX STORE SANTA GOES HO, HO, HO

Down to the bus stop, he would go,

Big box store Santa, Ho, Ho Ho,

He had no reign deer,

He was full of beer,

So, when he talked to kiddies, his speech was slurred and slow.

THE RED PLANET FROZEN BARS

So, methinks I was headed up to Mars,

But my spaceship fell back down and crushed cars,

I got a lawsuit,

From each crushed toot, toot,

Now I deliver to stores, ice cream bars.

91024

IN THE KINGDOM OF THE KIND, EVERYONE STILL HATES ME

In the kingdom of the kind, everyone at my work, still hates me,

People dine with friends after work, I dine alone on popcorn and ghee,

In the kingdom, people exchange a smile,

Except me, they treat me like a cow pile,

I believe I should find work somewhere else, where normals exchange cruelty.

BAD ECONOMY, CHEAP RENT AND THE NUTTER

The economy is in the sewer, not the gutter,

I sold all my golf clubs, including my office putter,

To have rent that's nearly free,

I moved in with Uncle Lee,

He is crazy; the exact definition of "nutter".

I WORK AT THE JERK

I finally got me some paying work,

I'm head cook at a restaurant called, Jerk,

We serve only jerky,

In our sauce called, murky,

We serve just fowl, mainly chicken and turk.

HURRIED LUNCHBREAK

At lunch, I ate my chicken in a hurry,

That is why I splashed on way too much curry,

I drank six beers, 

Shed sixty tears,

Then it was straight back to work, I did scurry.

I LOST MY JOB IN AEROSPACE

My boss kicked me hard, down the unemployment path,

Because my employer required I do math,

But not too long out the door,

I got work moping a floor,

On weekends at the zoo, I scrub down the giraffe.

SEVEN MINUTES TO READY

I get up and get me ready for work,

I'm just a humble, grocery store clerk,

I take seven minutes to ready,

Then have a coffee with dear, Teddy,

And I'm off to be called all day, a jerk.

MY CHEERFUL HELLO LIMERICK

I say a cheerful hello ten times everyday,

But, the reactions leave me in a state of dismay,

Words and hand gestures I can't say,

An occasional backside display,

I guess being cheerful is a job with no pay.

 

I SHOT A RUBBER BAND, NOW I LIVE UNDER A BRIDGE

I shot off a rubber band,

Where did the rubber band land?

It struck my boss in his eye,

That made my boss cry,

Before the end of the day, I got canned.

SAGA OF THE NIGHT WATCHMAN

Mr. Murphy, he retired,

His other choice, was get fired,

He was out of date,

Would hesitate,

Had no promotions, since he was hired.

HOME 4 SALE

I bought an  expensive piece of lake frontage land,

A million dollar mortgage, I signed with my hand,

I live barely week to week,

Higher wages, I had to seek,

Just now at work, they told me, I'm screwed and I'm canned,

THE FEAR OF SOAPS, SHOWERS AND FLOWERS

There was a grocery bagger, named Howard,

Howard was by all measures, a true coward,

He hardly ever used soap and then showered,

His many smells made him feel more empowered,

He feared the soap scent would make him smell flowered.

THE HARVEST MOON CHANGES PETER INTO A BIG RIGGER

The Harvest Moon rose, and was so very bright, and super big,

Pete was blinded and could not do homework, for his class in trig,

Well, Pete rested a slight spell,

On failing trig, Pete did dwell,

So, Pete chose to drop out of college, now he drives a big rig.

I BREAK FOR BROTHER BOOM

On the last day of February, I break,

From work, a personal day I will take,

I lite a firecracker for a boom,

Toss it near my brother's bedroom,

Sometimes he's mad, and gives my body ache.

TERMINATION REPORT

They laid me off for the holiday,

Said they might hire me back come next May,

Why I was fired nobody would say,

Of course, I call in sick every Monday,

Monday mornings are cold, so in bed I stay.

REVENGE IS BEST SERVED SALTY

The kitchen boss called me a stup,

A certified nincompoop,

That made me so mad,

I done a real bad,

I poured too much salt into the soup.

THE TOO TIGHT TIE KNOT

My airway was cut off by my ties too tight knot,

Usually, I leave it loose but this time I forgot,

My boss let me lie on the floor,

For three days, maybe four,

Then had me removed when I started to rot.

 

SALESMAN ON THE ROAD LIMERICK

To get up early every day,
And, write an itinerary by which to play,
It's a meaningless job,
For every Tom, Dick and Bob,
It's the life of a salesman gone away.