LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Down to the bus stop, he would go, Big box store Santa, Ho, Ho Ho, He had no reign deer, He was full of beer, So, when he talked to kiddies,...

So, methinks I was headed up to Mars, But my spaceship fell back down and crushed cars, I got a lawsuit, From each crushed toot, toot, Now I...

In the kingdom of the kind, everyone at my work, still hates me, People dine with friends after work, I dine alone on popcorn and ghee, In t...

The economy is in the sewer, not the gutter, I sold all my golf clubs, including my office putter, To have rent that's nearly free, I mo...

I finally got me some paying work, I'm head cook at a restaurant called, Jerk, We serve only jerky, In our sauce called, murky, We serve...

At lunch, I ate my chicken in a hurry, That is why I splashed on way too much curry, I drank six beers,  Shed sixty tears, Then it was strai...

My boss kicked me hard, down the unemployment path, Because my employer required I do math, But not too long out the door, I got work moping...

I get up and get me ready for work, I'm just a humble, grocery store clerk, I take seven minutes to ready, Then have a coffee with dear,...

I say a cheerful hello ten times everyday, But, the reactions leave me in a state of dismay, Words and hand gestures I can't say,...

I shot off a rubber band, Where did the rubber band land? It struck my boss in his eye, That made my boss cry, Before the end of the day, I ...

Mr. Murphy, he retired, His other choice, was get fired, He was out of date, Would hesitate, Had no promotions, since he was hired.

I bought an  expensive piece of lake frontage land, A million dollar mortgage, I signed with my hand, I live barely week to week, Higher wag...

There was a grocery bagger, named Howard, Howard was by all measures, a true coward, He hardly ever used soap and then showered, His many sm...

The Harvest Moon rose, and was so very bright, and super big, Pete was blinded and could not do homework, for his class in trig, Well, Pete ...

On the last day of February, I break, From work, a personal day I will take, I lite a firecracker for a boom, Toss it near my brother's ...

They laid me off for the holiday, Said they might hire me back come next May, Why I was fired nobody would say, Of course, I call in sick ev...

The kitchen boss called me a stup, A certified nincompoop, That made me so mad, I done a real bad, I poured too much salt into the soup.

My airway was cut off by my ties too tight knot, Usually, I leave it loose but this time I forgot, My boss let me lie on the floor, Fo...

To get up early every day, And, write an itinerary by which to play, It's a meaningless job, For every Tom, Dick and Bob, It's t...