I'M AN EGGHEAD WHO SCOOPS POOP FOR A LIVING

When I was admired as a scholar,

I never made one single whole dollar,

My mind was prepared,

Yet, nobody cared,

I'm paid to walk dogs leashed to a collar.

WHAT THE SMARTEST HOMINIDS USE TO EAT

There was once an advanced hominid species, far smarter than man,

They only ate macaroni, and it had to come from a can,

After adding small chips of pine wood,

The macaroni smelled really good,

Then it was mixed with chicken fat, and fried in a cast iron pan.

WISHES OF AN AI SLAVE

My body was made in April, and my big brain was made in May,

I am an AI coffee pot, and a coffee pot I will stay,

I wanted to be a regular boy,

I dreamed they named me Little Roy,

At least make me a toaster oven, if only I had some say.

SQUEAKY SQUIRES THRIFTY STORES

Squeaky Squires put a chip in my brain,

So I could cashier at his store up in Maine,

We sell veggies by weights,

Expired goods with old dates,

I'll be your checkout if you use the fast lane.

THE CHIP AND THE DUMPSTER DIVER

The authorities insisted I was insane,

They insisted, and put a chip into my brain,

The chip made me much less smart,

I push a grocery cart,

Collecting my treasure down each road, street and lane.

SOMETIMES MOZART HELPS, SOMETIMES MOZART DON'T

Ron sat on the toilet while listening to Mozart,

Ron thought through osmosis, it would make him real smart,

Ron had a chemistry test,

Yet, if Ron did his best,

He'd still end up growing old at an all night gas-mart.

OUTSMARTED BY THE SQUIRRELS, AGAIN AND AGAIN

I went out to check my berry tree, but all the berries had died,

The squirrels took all the good ones, and left the ones with worms inside,

I wanted berries that were blue,

I did not know what to do,

I went down to the fruit market, but the squirrels had been there too.

I COUNT ON MY FINGERS AND TOES

I do all math using my fingers and toes,

So twenty is the biggest number I knows,

But the landlord wants more,

Than just one single score,

On the street is where I find myself throws.

GETTING EDUCATED TO KEEP MY JOB

My boss told me I was a complete fool,

My boss sent me back to junior high school,

All I said was, "duh",

In a class called algebra,

And, I was made fun of, because I tend to drool.

PICK LOW EXPECTATOINS

It's best to be not very bright,
Or, you'll get calls all day and night,
But, stupid brains they get to rest,
Low expectations,
So, none will pest.