LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Squeaky Squires' put a chip in my brain, So I could cashier at his store up in Maine, We sell veggies by weights, Expired goods with old...

When I was admired as a scholar, I never made one single whole dollar, My mind was prepared, Yet, nobody cared, I'm paid to walk dogs le...

There was once an advanced hominid species, far smarter than man, They only ate macaroni, and it had to come from a can, After adding small ...

My body was made in April, and my big brain was made in May, I am an AI coffee pot, and a coffee pot I will stay, I wanted to be a regular b...

The authorities insisted I was insane, They insisted, and put a chip into my brain, The chip made me much less smart, I push a grocery cart,...

Ron sat on the toilet while listening to Mozart, Ron thought through osmosis, it would make him real smart, Ron had a chemistry test, Yet, i...

I went out to check my berry tree, but all the berries had died, The squirrels took all the good ones, and left the ones with worms inside, ...

I do all math using my fingers and toes, So twenty is the biggest number I knows, But the landlord wants more, Than just one single score, O...

My boss told me I was a complete fool, My boss sent me back to junior high school, All I said was, "duh", In a class called algebr...

It's best to be not very bright, Or, you'll get calls all day and night, But, stupid brains they get to rest, Low expectations, ...