"MERRY CHRISTMAS", FROM SANTA CLAUS

I went begging for food at Santa's house, and Santa gave me a job,

He said I had to work to eat, and I should stop being a begging slob,

I had to clean out the reindeer stalls,

Much poop on the floor, more on the walls,

When I finished I asked Santa for food; he said, "eat the poop", oh, sob!

THE ALPHA TETHERBALL TERROR, THAT'S ME

I don't like playing the Ducky, Ducky Goosey game,

I'm a bit chubby, and heavy, and my legs go lame,

I'm a little bit tall,

So, I like tetherball,

No one else will play, because I play too rough, and maim.