LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I got a fruit basket from a friend, but the fruit was carved from wood, I chewed and chawed, cut and stabbed, but for food, the fruit wasn...

Back when I was just a simple, lounging, otter, Life was great, eating fish, and swimming water, Then along comes this witch, And, her nose ...

Trina got a yellow scooter, and she scooted, to town around, Trina looked for scooter parking, but no parking was ever found, Tina's eye...

I celebrated my birthday, but did not get a baked, cake treat, The only present that I got, was some potion for my sore feet, I rubbed on th...

Dolph, the sleigh bell, Santa reindeer, had a big, shiny tail, You could see him flying through snowstorms, and rainstorms with hail, On coc...

The Christmas presents I got, I took back to the store, I can use the cash from the returns, much, much more, I can pay my heat and lights, ...

Tiberius played the trombone everyday, He inherited it from his Aunt May, He would have sounded good, But his bone was made of wood, For Aun...

Willie the sunfish, sent Santa a list, Willie wanted most a watch for the wrist, Jolly Santa wrote to Willy, Told Willy he was silly, But, S...

I went to the wine shop to buy some fine wine,! To impress some fancy dressed new friends of mine, But the clerks were not nice, Complained ...

The day before Christmas, Wanda Wendt went store Shopping, From store to store, Wanda Wendt went whip hopping, When Wanda uncorked red wine,...

There was a little porch pirate who lived in the bushes near my stoop, I knew he was living there, because I could smell his soup, Every sin...

I was told I was a really bad, bad bad, boy, That's why on Christmas I did 't get one darn toy, So I ran away from home, Became a ga...

Santa left a present, but I don't think it is mine, It is 15 gallons of spiced rum, but I am only 9, I gave some to my dog Duke, It made...

I got a quantum computer but, don't know what it does, Never heard of a quantum in books or in buzz, I've been doing just fine, Lear...

They slashed my tires and cut the lines to my brakes, They blew up my mailbox and in my pumpkins, drove stakes, In my neighborhood, Most are...

I dreamed the Easter Bunny brought me three cans of peas, He brought me three cans of corn and cough drops for disease, But, he brought ...