LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

100% of the men who age, will physic change, Their belts will ride down low, in a below the belly range, As their bones shrink smaller, Youn...

When I fell out my window; I slapped the pavement, and knew I was doomed, I bled out on the meat wagon, and at a fairly young age, entombed,...

I received a summons, to go see the great judge, in court,🏛 The great judge said, he had a very, concerning report,🐿 While at the dart clu...

I went into the woods hunting for bear, But, a Bigfoot had already been there, He ate all the bears, Except, for some hairs, And then, t...

I went to the airport and got stopped by some goons, They wouldn't let me pass, unless I sang them some tunes, I knew I could not go wro...

Billy loved his helium, and put it in his private, balloon toy, Billy loved his helium gas so much, we called him, Helium Boy, Dear Helium B...

There was an alien from Saturn, with a real name of Toots, She lacked having two, human legs, so they bar nicknamed her foots, Foots was a f...

Butcher the beagle liked to eat flies, High in protein; those crunchy meat pies, Once he chomped down on a bee, Which made Butcher see, When...

Squeaky Squire's opened dozens and dozens of stores, They had greeters greeting customers at the front doors, Greeters were looking for ...

I slept inside a snowbank, because it is so cold, It's a hard thing to do, when you're 100 years old, My increased mortgage, I could...

I went to a space station to get some good rest, But, they ran out of peanut butter, so I had to protest, Then, they ran out of spaghetti,...

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow, And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go, One cold day,...

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC, ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123,  123 and ABC made a big egg,...

You see many monsters in the world, when you are just a little fly, I'm just looking for some turds to eat, then I can lay all my eggs, ...

I got in a street fight with a modern robot, and I did not do so well, He was an expert at kickboxing, his foot in my face was how I could t...

The grocery prices are so high; it is bad, not good, Neighbors are now cannibals; it is not safe in my hood, The bugs under my door, Are my ...

I am a tired, poor, dumb, miserable, wretched, starving slob, I went to the store for free samples, I had no money, no job, Doughnut holes w...

I use to have many peasants, and they'd do everything for me, My favorite was Long John, until I caught him peeing in my tea I had him d...

I chased off the big flies that were on my drying tomatoes, I cut out the huge, rat bites from my bin of brand new potatoes, I picked the sn...

I built a little, tin shack to live in, down by the river, The dirt floor grows moss and mold, and the cold tin makes me shiver, When the ri...