LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I went begging for food at Santa's house, and Santa gave me a job, He said I had to work to eat, and I should stop being a begging slob,...

The howling of a wolf in the woods, filled my beastly, carnal heart's holes, The howling was a call to the forest minions, to awaken wer...

A big baboon and a little ginger, went on a  fair ride, On a rusty, rickety ferris wheel, they sat side by side, When the wheel fell all apa...

The gnome found several, giant, hairy warts in a very, nasty place, The warts were located under his chin, so you could see them on his face...

The next door, family of cannibals, put me, and my family in jars, We were all set in front of a window, so at night, we can all watch the s...

I have a dire wolf, and he bit off my long nose, It's a good thing I'm a troll, for now a new one grows, The dire wolf grew whimper,...

I played in the trumpet competition, and came in number nine, My teacher said I sounded o.k., my mama said I did fine, Being judged number n...

I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today, To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May, Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs, To bri...

My newest, best friend, Giggles Farley,  Many claimed, he liked to make parlay, But, he wouldn't speak, Wouldn't open his beak, He m...

If I want a Christmas Dinner, I'll have to scrape it off the road, Last year, all I scraped up for Christmas, was the thigh of one squis...

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine, Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine, They stuck me so deep, They bled me to sleep, I now...

We were so hungry, having absolutely no meat, Daddy went looking for organs, to sell, or to eat, Poor daddy worked on some guy, When a polic...

Daddy bought and sold things, like human lungs and human hearts, There's a lot of old rich people needing many new parts, There was an o...

As we summoned up the dead, All the sky turned bloody red, With our sacrifice, the demons were fed, They drank the blood from the severed he...

Out in my backyard, Stood a maple tree on guard, Beneath it's tower, Was my patio of power, Where stories flowed from every bard...

Sharp as a pencil that I was, I'm a real hard worker with all I does, But, I ain't been hired so what's the buzz? I got no...

I went out digging under a pile of stones, And there I found some humanoid bones, I was feeling kinda sad, Something went stellar bad, There...

Went out to the woods to bang me a beast, I sat downwind, where he'd smell me the least, He snuck up tippy toe, He was near, I didn'...

I was manning a fair booth way, way late at night, I was all alone, there were no peoples in sight, BAM!!! a great lightning strike, And, th...