LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

We once had a baby, and his name was Spikey Sam, He liked to sip orange juice while he ate eggs and fried ham, As egg prices went eagle high...

My ruby red grapefruit juice, tasted a might, tad off, I drank just one sip, and I started hacking, cough, cough, I was whisked far away, Fo...

My mayonnaise had an odor, so I set it outside my backdoor, A grizzly bear ate the whole jar, he died, with a whimper, and no roar, My mayon...

All the food in my fridge is in rapid decline, The juice is all fuzzy, and has turned into wine, The potatoes are a dark green, The chicken ...

Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch, He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch, That made mom and dad, Fell terribly sad, ...

Henry ate a great big plate of green, raw, frozen clams, Henry barfed at the fun party at the house of Sam's, Henry walked his way back ...

I found some fresh caught kippers on clearance sale,    They had not been cleaned, and were in a tin pail,   They were kinda smelly, Some we...

Listen, hark, the carrot angel food cake, With chocolate frosting, I did two take, Later I heard, Gurgling gerd, All who ate cake, got a bad...

Mostly mackerel was in the can, Along with stones, and a rubber ban, It was dry and chunky, And not cracker dunky, The fish was all green, a...

I went out and found a Christmas tree, It stood straight and tall, at 6'3" I sawed it down, Hauled it back to town, My kid, she ins...

Henry ate tainted pork, then said he couldn't stay, So he ran to the toilet which was two blocks away, He ran into a nun, That ended his...

My bagel had no cream cheese, so I put up a fuss, The diner said they had no cream cheese, because it turned to pus, I felt a shame, Putting...

Jim cut the cheese before every meal, To most of the family, Jim's cheese had no appeal, But he always made more,  Had an abundant store...

My hamburger smelled a little funny today, It smelled like a toilet with a whiff of bug spray, I'm not a real fussy lad, So, I ate what ...