LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

My weird brother-in-law, does not feel real, darn rosy, So, he piles into his pants pockets, some posey, He hasn't bathed in six weeks, ...

My dear neighbor, has a herd of fat goats, He collects their poop in plastic, blue totes, He makes many a big buck, When his totes fill up a...

My sassy, little monkey's name was Mayberry-Dean, She ate all her dinner, but got gassed up by the bean, We made her stay ten feet away,...

My silly pussy cat was really poky and slow, It took him 8 hours to find his litter box and go, Then he would fall asleep, On his litter box...

In a small cave I threw a nice party, Then shows up, my worst enemy, Marty, Marty drinks our mixed juice, Then mean Marty lets loose, Drivin...

I put four acorns in my green, mint tea, That makes a bitter flavor taste for me, I chew needles of pine, So my breath smells fresh, fine, N...

At work Steve always wore a mask, Even to do a simple task, His workmate, Punk, Smelled worse than skunk, In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

The butter spray exploded into my face, Now I'm all greasy, like my kid sister, Grace, She greased her hair, And, eats like a bear, I wi...

Donny liked to eat a pan of bacon grease, fried grits, But, every time he ate them, Donny broke out with big zits, So, Donny got a witch to ...

Jimmy had cracker explosions for the 4th Of July, He ate olive  bologna with sauerkraut on rye, So with each sky boom, boom, Jimmy let off a...

Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car, On long trips they pee in an old mason jar, But one was wise-craken,   The other laugh-quacke...

There once was a little monkey named Cy, When he smelled a banana, he'd cry, It reminded him of mommy, She was accused being commie, The...

Pardon my stench, But I sat on a bench, Unlike my home stoop, It was covered in poop, The poop stuck to the back of my trench.

Noel's breath smelled like his sweaty toes,  And that was the very least of his woes, His spaceships would never fly, His car batteries ...

I had a rat living under my sink, He ate bleach, he died, now he stink, So I sprayed some air spray, And the stink went away, But the spray ...

Jim cut the cheese before every meal, To most of the family, Jim's cheese had no appeal, But he always made more,  Had an abundant store...