LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Christmas was coming, and our old, grey goose got real big and fat,14 Then our neighbors stole our big goose, then ate it, and that was that...

I had a watermelon, and I cut the melon into three, One piece for my dog Lindsey, and the other two pieces, for me, Then I ate a spiral ham,...

Darren had a hackey sack, that he kicked around all day, Then along came Jimmy, who kicked the hackey sack away, Because of Jimmy's bad,...

I have a bicycle built for two, Of course, my backseat broke off on you, Because you nag talk, I'll just let you walk, And I'll bike...

I had a friend come over and they were very rich, They still left bugs on my sofa and I caught their itch, I sprayed the sofa down twice,  O...

There was a poison filled serpent underneath a pretty granite rock, I thought I'd find a stick and clobber him, and record it for Tik To...

The three perch I caught would have made a real nice meal, But the one good sized perch I caught, my cat did steal, I gave my cupboard a goo...

Mason used up all the soap, So, all I had was an empty rope, So, I used up his shampoo, Got even, true, Now, he won't be telling ma, tha...

While old Santa eats roast venison, we elves are eating snow, Santa licks on candy canes; a taste we elves will never know, Santa is all gri...

I squirrel proofed my bird feeder and made the squirrels mad, They smashed up my solar panels, and smashed them up real bad, Now I have no h...

I made a tapestry of flowers laying on some straw, Everyone who saw it, had a gaping jaw of awe,  I sold the tapestry for money, I shared th...

My raspberries needed more care, But I hadn't the water to spare, So they all got real grumpy, And surrounded my dumpy, And demanded tha...

I love to buy candy on Valentine's Day, I eat it myself and don't give it away, When calories bring such despair, It would be sel...