LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I put some raisins in my shoes, to combat all the heat, When my honey kisses my toes, my toes, they'll taste real sweet, To continue a s...

I started green bean farming, way down in the deep dell, Their countywide, square dances there are mightily, swell, I kick up my guy heels, ...

My friend Mr. E was a POI, A person of interest, maybe a spy, He spoke fluent Yeti, Dated his secretary, Green Betty,  Almost everyt...

What should I do, on a boring, old Saturday night? I could watch outside to see if the two tommys fight, They have the love smittens, Each w...

My valentine always expects a nice, fancy thing, Like a thick, golden bracelet, or fancy, gemstone ring, This year I built a nice scrapbook,...

I went out to see the amazing new sunrise, but it did not rise too high, It only rose a little bit, and the sun started to fireball cry, The...

Jimmy bought a potion to take away his noxious, manly stink, Jimmy quickly drank it down, and he went not smelly in a blink, Jimmy, then got...

There once was a cutie pie, The dear love that made me cry, I said "oh, good grief", Cutie was a thief, I bid my wallet, bye, bye.

She gave me a three foot tall of maybes, when I asked her for a date, Then gave me a two month bout with scabies, she's a zero, I did ra...

I fell in love with a new sweetie, We met while online going tweety, We tweeted like birds, With love-dovey words, Perhaps real soon we will...

Because there was a pretty girl he wanted to woo, Donny moved abruptly to a town called Kalamazoo, He forgot his goldfish, His tan cat he ca...

My gentle Tender Foot and I, Loved to go up, up, up, and fly, We flew a round balloon, That rose like a full moon, One day we crashed hard, ...

I bought many Valentine's gifts, yet have no Valentine, Mostly I bought candy, I love candy, so I'll be fine, I booked a restaurant ...

There once was a TV intern named Vern Benderback, He always ate his cheese balls from a brown paper sack, Vern was married twice, Both times...

I went to the Symphony to hear me some Brahms, When I get really stressed out, the Brahms music calms, But, as the Valkyries roared, My bloo...

Jeff got out his Vaseline, to grease his cornet slide, Jeff used the slide to stay in tune, so he could blow with pride, Jeff was so proud t...

I got depressed when I got left by my Phil, So I got me some dill seeds and grew me some dill, My licenced dill farm, Done no one no harm,  ...

Larry played a sonata on his big pianoforte, Some thought it real funny, when Larry picked at his nose warty, The loud laughter, it prevaile...

I and my love were engaged, doing spoon, When we were frightened by that bloody, red moon, We both wet our britches, Before we leaped into d...

They were spooning, making out, first basing, Out in public and, it was disgracing, It was my mum and dad, And, they were making me mad, The...